Week 1 ~ Coping Mechanisms

Hi guys!

So this weeks topic s is about coping on down days. Now we all have different methods of coping and dealing with things and these are the ways that I cope with my down days…..

First ART……

When I was at my worst I would sit in my room and draw for hours on end and draw. It was always something I loved at school, it was the reason I went. I used art as a coping mechanism for years but I never realised that I used it in this way until I went to counselling and she asked me what I would do most of the time and I told her “I love to draw”. I would use it as a media to release the feelings that I would not express through words. I guess in a way I used it as a way to create a world where everything was perfect and it helped with the pain I felt. It was not until recently I looked back at the things that I drew and they were kinda dark. I also remember being so over protective of it too, I would get really mad when people would look at it like it was really personal; it was my way of expressing and getting out of my head. I found it helped a lot.

Second MUSIC…..

I would sit in my room with my I-Pod in and listen to music. It didn’t matter what music it was it was just another way of escape. When I listened to music I would be in any world my mind dreamed up. I also went through a period of listening to music that was about suicide and self harm but that was before I when into counselling. However one song that did help me was one by a band called Between the Trees it was called The Way She Feels. It was kind dark but it gave me hope somehow. The lines that will stay with me are:

“Curled up she's on the floor
Relief left her she had hoped for something more
From it (hoped for something more)
From it
He leans down to comfort her
She is weeping and He
Wraps His arms around
And around and around….

She opened her eyes
And found relief in His life
And put down her knives”

One song that has encouraged me to let others see my scars is Exit Wounds buy The Script and a few lines in particular that have encouraged me are:

“Lose your clothes and show your scars, that’s who you are”

These are the lyrics that I want to get tattooed on me as a kind reminder that I have finally been cut free for almost 2 years and that I am finally able to let people see my scars.

All my life music has been a huge influence to me. It has been the one constant that was always there. When I was bullied it was there, when my grandfather left it was there, when people died it was there and when I was slowly killing myself it was there and now it is here when I have bad days and I don’t feel like getting out of bed. It is a constant, even though it has changed over the years and the music has become different, it was always something I knew would be there at the end of the day.

Third WRITING…..

I kept a journal through my counselling sessions and they also had me writing my life story which at first would do me more harm than good, but surprisingly the things I could not talk about I could write them and let my counsellors read. For some reason it seemed less emotional. I don’t know if that makes sense haha. I would sit and write out lyrics and then eventually the lyrics of music that helped me worked their way onto my walls along with quotes by people that I found inspirational and ones that I loved. Writing was another escape for me. When I was writing I was not cutting or throwing up.

Fourth READ……

I would read any books I could get my hands on. I loved reading Nicholas Sparks novels, they helped as I would escape into a world where there was immense love and triumph over obstacles. I came to love A Walk To Remember as this was such an immense love story and I fell in love with the book and film. It was an escape that I loved.

Fifth BAKE…..

My nanna taught me how to bake when I was 4 year old. We would stand in the kitchen and bake for hours on end and then give it away. I found something so therapeutic about the methodology of measuring and mixing and kneading dough, when I was doing this I would not think of anything else except the next step and how I was going to get rid of everything I made. This took my mind off of everything.

Sixth MOVIES….

I would sit and have movie marathons to take my mind off into another world. I would sit and watch Disney movies. They would take me back to a simpler time where the biggest dilemma I had to deal with was what teddy was I going to sleep with that night. At the end of the movie the Prince Charming swept the girl off her feet and took her to the castle where they lived happily ever after. I know that is not always true but it is nice thinking that in an alternative reality somewhere it does happen. When I watched these films everything seems so simple and safe and good would always overcome evil. And no one is ever too old for Disney!

Seventh DESIGN…..

When I first sunk into my depression my art led me to designing and I developed my own imaginary fashion line which one day I hope I will be able to release. I love fashion and make up and all things girly. This is something really positive to come out opf all the hard things I went through.

I still use all of these today when I am down. They seem to be really important mechanisms for me. As I said everyone has a different way of coping with feelings and down days and these are just mine. I would love to hear what all of you do to cheer yourself up when you are down so get your opinions in.

Kayliegh

xox