Mental Health and Tattoos Vol.1

Tattoo's are probably not something you would associate in any way with Mental Health. Most people can be forgiven for not seeing the link, because in all honesty, the link is only there for the people in the intersection of the Venn diagram representing both MH and Tattoos. I know that for a lot of people out there this is a strange topic but bear with me. I am going to talk you through the struggles I have faced with reference to my Mental Health and how my tattoos fit in among them. 

With regard to the different areas of my life, I have struggled with intense crowd-phobia, panic attacks which were both trigger-driven and un-triggered, depression, anxiety (both general and social) and self-loathing... I wont lie and say that I used tattoos as a way to close off chapters in my life, because I didn't. What are tattoos for me? They serve as a permanent reminder of where I've come from, where I'm headed and represent intense gratitude in two instances.

Now I know I'm not the only one who has a tattoo or two that represents some part of their past (or even current). Kayliegh, the co-creator of this blog has a beautiful script tattoo, which says "lose your clothes and show your scars", a pretty simple but powerful motto to remember. Perhaps she might touch on this topic another time from her own perspective, but for now, I'm going to discuss mine and what they have come to mean in my life.

Looking at my tattoos objectively allows me to talk about their meanings more succinctly.

My first tattoo represented a part of myself that I recognized in a man I hold in high regard, and respect dearly: Ville Valo. Anyone who knows me personally knows how much I think of him. He has a small heart on his right wrist, and I have one similar, though not the same! The meaning has grown since I've had it, though the original meaning has never been lost; "When I love, I love..". It's always been a part of who I am to love intensely, not just partners, but friends, family etc. I find myself physically upset when someone I care about is down or unwell. No matter what has happened in the last six years, I have always and will always love those around me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, as it were. I would also like to think that it represents myself in that it's a bit warped, but still alright, just like me!

My ambigram, atop my left shoulder which reads the same when you stand either in front of me, or behind me has a pretty simple meaning: Whatever way you look at me, however you perceive me, I am still Amy, and I am still beautiful. There's really nothing I can say for this one except that it took me a while to live by this. Public opinion meant a lot to me and there was nothing worse to me than people not liking me (social anxiety creeping in). I spent a long time learning that people will either love you or hate you, but you need to focus on those who love you and treat you right, rather than wasting your time trying to make the haters change their minds. I'll always be me, and that's the important thing.

The first big piece I ever got was a LOTR quote, in Elvish, mind you! The quote translates in English as "Few can foresee wither the road will lead them til they come to its end". Having exacerbated my anxiety for at least a year worrying over where I was going in life, feeling awful for being unemployed, generally wondering why I was bothering, this quote has helped me though many bad patches. I worry a lot about my future but this reminds me to be a bit less of a worry-wart. Life is going to lead me where it leads me and while I may have all these ideas and plans, it's not a big deal if they don't come true or they go pear-shaped because I'll find my way to where I'm supposed to be, no matter what. 

It had been 3 years since I had any work done but then last August I took the plunge and got a really important piece. The album that was the catalyst for everything I have since become, the person I have grown into was Venus Doom, by the Finnish metal band HIM. The limited edition album had these glyph-type symbols and I swore to myself that one day I would have them tattooed on me. That band pretty much kept me from the knife edge and I knew having a reminder of them on my body would never come close to the gratitude Ville Valo and his band-mates deserve. I think I identified with it more strongly from knowing that Ville was going through his own personal hell, and that reminded me how I was not alone. I've never been alone since then. 16 year old me had enough sense at the time though to know that tattooing a band on you is a risky business. Five years later it was still as good an idea as it was when I first thought of it, so I went for it! I love it so so much and you can actually find a full review of the whole process on my personal blog HERE. 

Most recently, I decided that it was high time to commemorate something that brought me out of myself... Archery. If it wasn't for archery being offered as an extra curricular activity in school, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to keep it on, and during the darkest days, I may never have left the house. I used to perform quite well in my bracket. I've made the most amazing friends and had the best weekends of my life because of archery. Though right now I cannot shoot due to a long standing injury, coupled with collegiate commitments, there is always the future. Nothing could tear me from a sport that kept me smiling even when my dad was in hospital, when I wanted to drop off the face of the planet, when I was miserable... Even the fear I'm currently experiencing wont keep me from getting back to it. 

Gone are the days when I would weep from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. My tattoos are a reminder of my trials and my strength in the face of great hardships. I am proud not only of my ink, but of the person I have become. Life used to be a miserable sequence of crap days and negative thoughts, but I've come through the worst of it, and I find comfort and solace in the significance of my tattooed story. 

Hopefully we will have more posts on this topic in the next couple of weeks so we can see all the different perspectives... 

Drop a comment below if you have any input, and if you would like to get in contact with us here at Mental Health Monday, be it feedback or sending us a guest post you would like published, you can drop us a mail - our email is in the Contact Us tab. 

As always, if you need any assistance with any struggles, you can find a list of useful organizations in the tabs above. 

Amy
xx

Distraction is The Name of The Game

Hey there lovely people.

When you feel the urge to do something destructive, what do you do to fight it? Do you read a book? Knit something or crochet? Do you message someone on Facebook and have a good ol' catch up? Maybe you bake! I personally try to take a nap or watch something on my computer. 

All these things have one thing in common: They are distraction techniques. And I know that when I'm going the right way for a slip, that distraction can help to ease the urge until it passes. 

Here are some ways to distract yourself:

1. Read a book
2. Draw something
3. Play solitaire 
4. Text a friend 
5. Walk the dog
6. Play with your cats 
7. Clean your room
8. Do the ironing (your mum or dad will be delighted)
9. Start a vegetable patch
10. Bake a cake, 
11. Learn a new language, 
12. Take a hot bath with candles and bath salts
13. Cook a nice dinner
14. Look up funny pictures on Pinterest
15. Download a movie and watch it
16. Go shopping with a friend
17. Spend time with your family. 
18. Dance
19. Sing as loud as you can. 

If you want to write a piece for us, please feel free to mail us (all details are on our contact page) or if you have a Reader Story dont hesitate to submit it! 

Fight the Fear, 

Amy 

xox

MHM Week 1: Coping (Amy's POV)

Hi Guys, Amy here! What follows below is a personal account of how I cope with bad days. I would just like to thank the lovely Siobhan for choosing this topic for myself and Kayliegh before she went on holidays! I really enjoyed writing about t his topic.

Without further ado...

Coping with Bad Days/Down Days

To me, bad days are generally categorized into two different types. There’s the generic day where I just feel bad and there’s no reason for feeling down. There is also the day’s where I’m upset by something, or trying to pick back up in the aftermath of a Panic Attack. I am going to focus on the more serious days.

On the days after a panic attack, I admit I don't really deal with life very well. I had to deal with the aftermath of a panic on Thursday just gone, as a matter of fact. It was the first one in a year. On Thursday, admittedly I was a shambles, but I dragged myself out of bed and just tried to carry on. I did the things I felt like doing, rather than the things I should have been doing. I ate crap food, including lactose heavy foods, and I drank more tea that day that I would drink in a week under normal circumstances. I coped with my feelings pretty badly, but my defence is that they were kind of new to me, in a way. I haven't felt them in 12 months. Somewhere during my day of just trying to get by, it stopped being such an effort and normality returned. On these days, you just have to just will yourself to keep going on. Yes, I hear you saying “It’s so hard though” but you can do it. I know that you are able to.

Things That Help(ed) Me:

1: Archery

Let’s just take it back a bit. It’s 2011, and I’m suffering from frequent, often un-provoked panic attacks. To cope, I threw myself into my sport, Archery. I shot a lot. 3 or 4 days a week and I competed at every opportunity. I shot in National level events, and throwing myself into Archery helped me not only find a way to cope, but I steadily made more and more new friends, performed better and better, and placed. I was able to say for a while that I was the 2nd Junior Irish Female shooting Outdoors in the country. That was Cork. Dundalk saw me as 3^rd Indoor in the same category. Archery was a primary method of coping during that time. 

I will always tell people that sports help.

2: Music

During that time period, I was also REALLY into my music. I listened to what I can now admit was dark, heavy and often depressing music. I thought it helped at the time, but now I know it was glorifying depressive states, suicide, self-harm, and self-hate. It was what I needed to get through in that time, but nowadays I lean towards music that is more inclined to reduce the time I spend wallowing, as well as reducing the depth of the funk. 

Lately, I am favouring the soundtrack from The Great Gatsby and bands like Dropkick Murphys, over the bands I once never strayed from like HIM and Cradle Of Filth. Punk-Rock covers of Irish ballads win over Cradle of Filths “Cruelty Brought Thee Orchids”, though, I cannot state categorically that I am not still really partial to a bit of Dani Filth, and my favourite band are indeed still HIM, I have learned that they don’t help an already sad Amy.

3: Talking

When I can’t get out of a slump by myself, I will text/call someone for a chat. It doesn’t always have to be about how I’m feeling, because I love the chats with people, and a lot of times all I need is company. When my friend Anna is home, I go over to hers for tea and I have never left her house without having a hilarious, random time.

If you can’t talk about things with someone you know, there are plenty of peer-to-peer services like O La Go La, where you can anonymously talk about what you are feeling and find help to get through it.

4: Distraction

Music probably falls under this bracket, but for all intents and purposes, I mean doing things. You might be feeling wretched, but does the thought of cake make you go, “Ooh yeah I wouldn’t mind a slice of cake…”? Then you should set about making a cake. The process is extrememly comforting, the mixing, the pouring, measuring etc. Methodical tasks calm me down majorly. Maybe it would work for you too. And hey, who doesn’t love a few hours distraction that is going to end in cake?!

My Advice To You

If I could give anyone advice on how to get through a day where you feel really down, I would tell you definitely to do the following:

·        Get up, get out of bed. Yes, I know it's warm, and it's comfy, but you will feel the better of it because you will get your blood flowing.

·        Have a shower, even if you are just doing so as an excuse to get into fresh pyjamas afterwards! Showers are a place to think, I find, and a place to just let go of bad feelings. Imagine the water washing your bad day down the drain!

·        Eat something. I cannot stress this enough. I don't care what you eat, if could be a pack of celery, it could be a box of doughnuts, but just have food. Starving yourself doesn’t help anything.

·        Open some windows. Fresh air always helps me, so maybe it might be beneficial for you. Better still, try to go outside, bring a cup of tea or coffee with you into the garden and enjoy it outside.

As for the rest of it, here are some suggestions for things to fill up your day, and occupy you so you don't dwell on your bad feelings and risk spiralling.

·        Clean your room or your house

·        Read a book

·        Talk to a friend. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved.

·        Talk to your pets. I do this, and I promise, it's not a crazy-cat-lady thing; it really does help, especially when they look at you and you know they know what you’re talking about.

·        Go for a walk (If the Irish weather permits, of course!)

·        Bake a cake (occupies you, AND you get cake!! One of my favourite ways to kill a few sad hours)

·        Catch up on your blog reading if that's your thing

·        Watch a movie. (Stay away from movies that might make you cry, instead, go for animations)

·        Browse online for random things! thisiswhyimbroke.com is a fantastic website for this kind of thing!!

·        Organize something (eg: I'm waiting for a down day to alphabetise my DVD collection, and another to reorganize my chest of drawers)

·        Learn a new skill. I got good at building Airfix models and Warhammer figurines during the time when my life was a series of down days! By the time I got to learn Crochet, I was doing a lot better because I was occupying myself and getting woolly goodies out of my bad feelings.

·        Clear out your wardrobe, and give some things to charity. Often, we feel better from the knowledge that we are helping people, as well as making space in our wardrobes. Then you can treat yourself to something in the future!

No matter what, I want you to please try to remember that if your day is going badly, if you’re feeling down, the only person who can pick you up and keep you up, is you. I would urge you, if life seems to be really awful, to go to your GP and explain how you feel. They can help, and they will have the means to get you back to top form!

The things I’ve listed above have been a means of keeping myself going when I was really down at one point or another. I would love so much to hear your Coping Techniques, as well as what you think of the ones I use. Do you see yourself trying out anything from the list?

Please feel free to post your coping strategies to your own blog, and tweet us the link @MentalHealthMon with the hashtag #MHM. Similarly, you can email us your stories if you would like us to share them. You can choose to be named, or be made anonymous. Remember, our little team will respect whatever you wish to do! All the contact info is in the "Contact Us" tab on the homepage.

All My Love,

Amy

xx

Week 1 ~ Coping Mechanisms

Hi guys!

So this weeks topic s is about coping on down days. Now we all have different methods of coping and dealing with things and these are the ways that I cope with my down days…..

First ART……

When I was at my worst I would sit in my room and draw for hours on end and draw. It was always something I loved at school, it was the reason I went. I used art as a coping mechanism for years but I never realised that I used it in this way until I went to counselling and she asked me what I would do most of the time and I told her “I love to draw”. I would use it as a media to release the feelings that I would not express through words. I guess in a way I used it as a way to create a world where everything was perfect and it helped with the pain I felt. It was not until recently I looked back at the things that I drew and they were kinda dark. I also remember being so over protective of it too, I would get really mad when people would look at it like it was really personal; it was my way of expressing and getting out of my head. I found it helped a lot.

Second MUSIC…..

I would sit in my room with my I-Pod in and listen to music. It didn’t matter what music it was it was just another way of escape. When I listened to music I would be in any world my mind dreamed up. I also went through a period of listening to music that was about suicide and self harm but that was before I when into counselling. However one song that did help me was one by a band called Between the Trees it was called The Way She Feels. It was kind dark but it gave me hope somehow. The lines that will stay with me are:

“Curled up she's on the floor
Relief left her she had hoped for something more
From it (hoped for something more)
From it
He leans down to comfort her
She is weeping and He
Wraps His arms around
And around and around….

She opened her eyes
And found relief in His life
And put down her knives”

One song that has encouraged me to let others see my scars is Exit Wounds buy The Script and a few lines in particular that have encouraged me are:

“Lose your clothes and show your scars, that’s who you are”

These are the lyrics that I want to get tattooed on me as a kind reminder that I have finally been cut free for almost 2 years and that I am finally able to let people see my scars.

All my life music has been a huge influence to me. It has been the one constant that was always there. When I was bullied it was there, when my grandfather left it was there, when people died it was there and when I was slowly killing myself it was there and now it is here when I have bad days and I don’t feel like getting out of bed. It is a constant, even though it has changed over the years and the music has become different, it was always something I knew would be there at the end of the day.

Third WRITING…..

I kept a journal through my counselling sessions and they also had me writing my life story which at first would do me more harm than good, but surprisingly the things I could not talk about I could write them and let my counsellors read. For some reason it seemed less emotional. I don’t know if that makes sense haha. I would sit and write out lyrics and then eventually the lyrics of music that helped me worked their way onto my walls along with quotes by people that I found inspirational and ones that I loved. Writing was another escape for me. When I was writing I was not cutting or throwing up.

Fourth READ……

I would read any books I could get my hands on. I loved reading Nicholas Sparks novels, they helped as I would escape into a world where there was immense love and triumph over obstacles. I came to love A Walk To Remember as this was such an immense love story and I fell in love with the book and film. It was an escape that I loved.

Fifth BAKE…..

My nanna taught me how to bake when I was 4 year old. We would stand in the kitchen and bake for hours on end and then give it away. I found something so therapeutic about the methodology of measuring and mixing and kneading dough, when I was doing this I would not think of anything else except the next step and how I was going to get rid of everything I made. This took my mind off of everything.

Sixth MOVIES….

I would sit and have movie marathons to take my mind off into another world. I would sit and watch Disney movies. They would take me back to a simpler time where the biggest dilemma I had to deal with was what teddy was I going to sleep with that night. At the end of the movie the Prince Charming swept the girl off her feet and took her to the castle where they lived happily ever after. I know that is not always true but it is nice thinking that in an alternative reality somewhere it does happen. When I watched these films everything seems so simple and safe and good would always overcome evil. And no one is ever too old for Disney!

Seventh DESIGN…..

When I first sunk into my depression my art led me to designing and I developed my own imaginary fashion line which one day I hope I will be able to release. I love fashion and make up and all things girly. This is something really positive to come out opf all the hard things I went through.

I still use all of these today when I am down. They seem to be really important mechanisms for me. As I said everyone has a different way of coping with feelings and down days and these are just mine. I would love to hear what all of you do to cheer yourself up when you are down so get your opinions in.

Kayliegh

xox