Mental Health and Tattoos Vol.1

Tattoo's are probably not something you would associate in any way with Mental Health. Most people can be forgiven for not seeing the link, because in all honesty, the link is only there for the people in the intersection of the Venn diagram representing both MH and Tattoos. I know that for a lot of people out there this is a strange topic but bear with me. I am going to talk you through the struggles I have faced with reference to my Mental Health and how my tattoos fit in among them. 

With regard to the different areas of my life, I have struggled with intense crowd-phobia, panic attacks which were both trigger-driven and un-triggered, depression, anxiety (both general and social) and self-loathing... I wont lie and say that I used tattoos as a way to close off chapters in my life, because I didn't. What are tattoos for me? They serve as a permanent reminder of where I've come from, where I'm headed and represent intense gratitude in two instances.

Now I know I'm not the only one who has a tattoo or two that represents some part of their past (or even current). Kayliegh, the co-creator of this blog has a beautiful script tattoo, which says "lose your clothes and show your scars", a pretty simple but powerful motto to remember. Perhaps she might touch on this topic another time from her own perspective, but for now, I'm going to discuss mine and what they have come to mean in my life.

Looking at my tattoos objectively allows me to talk about their meanings more succinctly.

My first tattoo represented a part of myself that I recognized in a man I hold in high regard, and respect dearly: Ville Valo. Anyone who knows me personally knows how much I think of him. He has a small heart on his right wrist, and I have one similar, though not the same! The meaning has grown since I've had it, though the original meaning has never been lost; "When I love, I love..". It's always been a part of who I am to love intensely, not just partners, but friends, family etc. I find myself physically upset when someone I care about is down or unwell. No matter what has happened in the last six years, I have always and will always love those around me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, as it were. I would also like to think that it represents myself in that it's a bit warped, but still alright, just like me!

My ambigram, atop my left shoulder which reads the same when you stand either in front of me, or behind me has a pretty simple meaning: Whatever way you look at me, however you perceive me, I am still Amy, and I am still beautiful. There's really nothing I can say for this one except that it took me a while to live by this. Public opinion meant a lot to me and there was nothing worse to me than people not liking me (social anxiety creeping in). I spent a long time learning that people will either love you or hate you, but you need to focus on those who love you and treat you right, rather than wasting your time trying to make the haters change their minds. I'll always be me, and that's the important thing.

The first big piece I ever got was a LOTR quote, in Elvish, mind you! The quote translates in English as "Few can foresee wither the road will lead them til they come to its end". Having exacerbated my anxiety for at least a year worrying over where I was going in life, feeling awful for being unemployed, generally wondering why I was bothering, this quote has helped me though many bad patches. I worry a lot about my future but this reminds me to be a bit less of a worry-wart. Life is going to lead me where it leads me and while I may have all these ideas and plans, it's not a big deal if they don't come true or they go pear-shaped because I'll find my way to where I'm supposed to be, no matter what. 

It had been 3 years since I had any work done but then last August I took the plunge and got a really important piece. The album that was the catalyst for everything I have since become, the person I have grown into was Venus Doom, by the Finnish metal band HIM. The limited edition album had these glyph-type symbols and I swore to myself that one day I would have them tattooed on me. That band pretty much kept me from the knife edge and I knew having a reminder of them on my body would never come close to the gratitude Ville Valo and his band-mates deserve. I think I identified with it more strongly from knowing that Ville was going through his own personal hell, and that reminded me how I was not alone. I've never been alone since then. 16 year old me had enough sense at the time though to know that tattooing a band on you is a risky business. Five years later it was still as good an idea as it was when I first thought of it, so I went for it! I love it so so much and you can actually find a full review of the whole process on my personal blog HERE. 

Most recently, I decided that it was high time to commemorate something that brought me out of myself... Archery. If it wasn't for archery being offered as an extra curricular activity in school, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to keep it on, and during the darkest days, I may never have left the house. I used to perform quite well in my bracket. I've made the most amazing friends and had the best weekends of my life because of archery. Though right now I cannot shoot due to a long standing injury, coupled with collegiate commitments, there is always the future. Nothing could tear me from a sport that kept me smiling even when my dad was in hospital, when I wanted to drop off the face of the planet, when I was miserable... Even the fear I'm currently experiencing wont keep me from getting back to it. 

Gone are the days when I would weep from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. My tattoos are a reminder of my trials and my strength in the face of great hardships. I am proud not only of my ink, but of the person I have become. Life used to be a miserable sequence of crap days and negative thoughts, but I've come through the worst of it, and I find comfort and solace in the significance of my tattooed story. 

Hopefully we will have more posts on this topic in the next couple of weeks so we can see all the different perspectives... 

Drop a comment below if you have any input, and if you would like to get in contact with us here at Mental Health Monday, be it feedback or sending us a guest post you would like published, you can drop us a mail - our email is in the Contact Us tab. 

As always, if you need any assistance with any struggles, you can find a list of useful organizations in the tabs above. 

Amy
xx

Saturday Slogans: Definition, Destruction, Strengthen...

Hey guys, it's been a while. 


Firstly let me apologize for mine and Kaylieghs absences, life has been hectic lately. 

Since its 2014, and a brand new year means a brand new chance to make things better than ever, it means that we have a brand new chance to diminish Mental Health stigma. 

I was inspired by the picture on the right to start a piece called Saturday Slogans.

To me, everything that happens to us does so for a reason and though sometimes is may be hard, we all need to fight to get through. After you have come out the other side, when you look back you'll be surprised and delighted with how you did it. 

Keep fighting, guys. 

I love you all, 
Fight the Fear, 

Amy 

xxx

Do What Works: Campaign for Mental Health Reform

Hi All!

Today I was contacted by Rebecca Gate on behalf of Do What Works, the petition for the campaign for Mental Health Reform. Last year the campaign collected of 10,000 signatures on their petition, and this year they hope to beat that. But they need our help to do it.

What They Say:
 "This autumn, Mental Health Reform is asking you to help them protect the mental health budget. Their Do What Works petition (http://www.mentalhealthreform.ie/petition2013) is calling on the Government to Do What Works for mental health by investing in community mental health services and other measures to support mental health. Mental Health Reform is a national coalition of organisations working to promote improved mental health services. Please sign the petition and help keep mental health on the agenda ahead of Budget Day on 15^th October. If you’d like to help out at any of Mental Health Reform’s petition days around the country, you’ll find the list of dates and venues here: http://www.mentalhealthreform.ie/petition-days-2013/."

If you would like to sign the petition, please click the top link, and if you want extra info on the dates and venues of dedicated petition days, all around Ireland, click the second link! 

Thanks for reading this guys!

Amy

Sometimes, We Find Inspiration In The Oddest Of Moments...

When I was feeling down one day last week, it occurred to me that I hadn't eaten for a few hours. This got me thinking. To have a healthy body you have to eat well, so what about a healthy mind? How much does food matter there?? How do the three interlink?

Everyone knows we as people need to eat well. To me, eating well can be as basic as eating in general, but the general consensus is to take in portions according to the food pyramid. But, did you know that there are some foods clinically proven to reduce the effects of certain mental health issues, such as depression and ADHD, as well as schizophrenia among others.

These foods are:
Fish, like salmon and sardines, which are high in Omega-3 fatty acids which are necessary for not only a healthy body (by lowering the risk of strokes, cardiovascular disease and also by aiding dry skin) but also a healthy mind, since Omega 3 Fatty Acids aid the neurotransmitters in the brain releasing dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine affects attention, thought processes, and pleasure, among other things; Serotonin is involved in memory, mood and appetite.

Whole grain foods are also helpful for a healthy body and mind, because of the complex carbohydrates (sugars) in them, which are released slowly over time. Constant, steady streams of nutrients are capable of sustaining you for longer than simple carbohydrates which spike your blood sugar and then cause you to crash quickly. Scientists have compared simple carbohydrates to drug abuse when it comes to mental health as they exacerbate low moods. Complex carbohydrates also help us feel fuller for longer.

Lean meats is protein for the body, and also amino-acids for the brain, helping produce Serotonin, which as we learned above, is a neurotransmitter involved in mood, appetite and memory. Protein is the second most abundant substance in our bodies so it is imperative to take in enough lean meat, so we can function at optimum levels.

Leafy Greens are my personal favorite. Broccoli, spinach, romaine lettuce and other veg like beetroots, are high in B-Vitamins and studies have shown that deficiencies in B-Vitamins can exacerbate depression, insomnia and cause fatigue.

Herbs can also play a part in the alleviation of symptoms related to minor depression, such as parsley, which can also help keep your hormonal balance in check. Chamomile (which you can take as a tea, as its not the best idea to eat chamomile flowers) has been known to alleviate minor depression symptoms, as well as anxiety and insomnia... If you find yourself particularly tense, garlic, mint and basil will aid in the relaxation of muscles. They may be stinky herbs, but if they help, don't worry about it. They're also very tasty, which is another plus.

The Bottom Line:
Basically, by skipping meals or the like, you are denying your body the chance of essential nutrients that will aid a healthy mind, as well as keep your body looking and feeling well!! Double the trouble, eh?

Eat well, Feel better!
Amy
xox

P.S: thank you to whoever nominated us for the Blog Awards 2013!! Kayliegh and I cannot figure out who did it, but we are SO grateful and humbled to be in such a wonderful position. I personally love this blog to bits, and am thrilled to see people enjoying our content. Not bad for what started out life as a silly little idea, eh? I'm crying tears of joy, thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart!!

Do You Really Know Me, Really?

Hey guys,

First just let me quickly apologize for my absence last week, I was snowed under all weekend. I'm back now though, and hopefully you can forgive the gap I left in our posting two by two! Secondly, this following post is going to be a bit of a personal one, so as to balance out the POV's we have on here. Kayliegh has posted two absolutely brilliant blogs on here about eating disorders, today, and last Monday! Here is my personal ramblings on the topic...

Now.

Do you really know me? If you saw me on the street would you know that I used to starve myself on purpose? Would you be able to tell? I bet you wouldn't. I wouldn't be on for advertising the fact. But its the truth.

People in my life, all of whom know me pretty well, will know that I am a big fan of my food. As a kid, I was the only person I knew, of my age, who would willingly eat a salad. My mother has even told me the stories of when I was maybe four, sitting on her knee in a cafe with her friend, helping her eat a giant plate of salad. We used to share salads when we went shopping, I remember them vividly. One plate, two sets of forks.

I don't know how or when I started skipping meals, but it certainly wasn't to be thin. I only say this because it will aid me getting my point across: I have been stick-thin since my puppy fat dropped off, around the age of 3 or 4. My family found it an unmitigated nightmare to get me clothes that fit. Being tall and thin as a child helps nobody, especially when the clothes are sold by age, rather than size!

I have never skipped a meal to aid in weight-loss, that much is true. I did so because I thought I deserved to be punished for the bad things I did, the bad person I was. If I had a fight with my boyfriend, I wouldn't eat til maybe, dinner the next day to punish myself for "being a shit person", as I rationalized it.

I hated myself for being weak (and to me being weak was my anxiety, my panic attacks, my constant battles with depression), for making people miserable, and so, I would deliberately skip meals to atone. I have lied to everyone at some point, maybe even you, the person reading this. "Yes, I had breakfast!" was the most common lie. Breakfast is the most important meal, so the old adage goes, but to me, it was the meal that I would deliberately skip, because it was easy to. When lunch came around, it was again, very easy to be really busy until the hunger went away.

At the worst of my self-inflicted punishment, I was working off maybe one slice of toast for a whole day, plus coffee or tea and my anti-depressant medication.

I ate alone, or I didn't eat at all. There was no middle ground. My family are well used to me disappearing with a plate of something to my room. It's never questioned. I can't abide eating with people, though. I make an exception when I'm out with people, but generally, if you pay attention, you may notice (at shoots, for example) that I will eat my lunch before everyone else, and then wander off to do something while everyone else is laying into their food.

In my head at the time, starving was the only way I could be punished for being the awful person that I felt I was. If I made someone feel bad, I would make myself feel ten times worse to, as I saw it, even things out.

Passing out in my back yard was the last straw, or the second to last, as you'll understand in a moment. I gave my mother the fright of her life, after I skipped two days worth of meals, on the third I got up to make something, because I felt ill and that was a warning sign, only to feel dizzy and go out for air. I don't remember anything after that until I was being rushed to the GP for an emergency appointment. It was brushed off as a drop in blood sugars. I had to have my blood pressure monitored every day for a week but nothing more. I went home and had a salad.

The next time I passed out, I did it in the kitchen, after another "punishment" session. I remember eating soup, sitting on my kitchen floor, when I came around. I think my mother was less fazed by the second collapse than the first because I wasn't hauled off to the GP, this time around. But two faints were enough to tell me to get my shit together. Mam was scared the first time. I was scared the second time.

Its only been in the past few months I've been eating properly again. It's been oddly tough, and I do slip into old ways on occasion, but mostly its been a conscious effort on my part. I still eat irregularly, but the irregularity is usually based off genuinely not feeling hungry at that moment. As someone who lied about food, day in, day out, I can admit right here that I was good at looking like I was eating, but when I was alone, I was doing everything possible to avoid food. These days, I make a mission of having food. If I do skip breakfast, I will pointedly eat a big lunch, and I love a good dinner now. Chris and I talk about this from time to time and he will usually be the voice of reason, my conscience on the outside.

To this day, I don't believe I have, or have had an eating disorder, though, I'm sure there are plenty who would disagree because I always try to eat alone. People may not even believe me when they read this as they may have seen me hoovering down a bowl of pasta, or chomping down a wrap.

I still eat alone.

Let me know if you have had any similar experiences, and if you have, have you overcome them? If you are struggling, I am here to talk to you.

All my love,
Amy
xo

Anorexia

Hi guys!

This weeks topic is anorexia from a psychological point of view. If you are a sufferer or are recovered please get your views on this topic :)

The term anorexia nervosa mean 'lack of appetite induced by nervousness' however the lack of an appetite is not the problem. It is characterized by a fear of gaining weight and refusal to maintain normal weight (85% of expected weight) along with distorted perception of body and absence of 3 consecutive periods. 
Some have questioned the value of the DSM-IV criteria as studies have suggested women who menstruate but match all other criteria are just as ill. For men the equivalent of missed periods is a lack of sexual appetite and low testosterone. However, many who suffer from anorexia do not believe they have a problem. 
There are two types of anorexia:

• Restrictive- They limit the amount of food they take in, they often avoid eating infront of others and even dispose of their food secretly.
• Binge- Eating/Purging- The individual will purge as a compensatory behaviour through methods of self-induced vomiting, laxatives, diuretics and enemas.

The mortality rate of eating disordered females in more than 12 times higher than that of the general population. Death can result from anorexia either from consequence of starvation or suicidal behaviour. There is a lifetime prevalence of 0.5% with 10 females to every male with the disorder.

Eating disorder diagnosis are commonly associated with other disorders:

• 68% of those suffering with anorexia will be diagnosed with with depression (O'Brien and Vincent, 2003) and OCD (Kaye et al., 2004).
•  Binge eating anorexia has a frequent occurrence with substance abuse (Steiger et al., 1999) 
• Restrictive anorexia is associated with personality disorders (Skodol et al., 1993).
• Anorexia is associated with BPD (O'Brien & Vincent, 2003)
• More than one third of patients have engaged in some kind of self-harming behaviours for example cutting (Paul et al., 2002).

Clinical management for eating disorders is a serious challenge as patients are conflicted about getting better with 17% of people committed to hospital against their will (Watson et al, 2000). There has been a high therapy drop out rate and there is no evidence that medication works in the treatment with anorexia (Firburn & Harison, 2003). 

The treatment of choice for adolescents with anorexia is family therapy if the individual developed the disorder before they were 19 years old and had been suffering for less than three years.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is used in the treatment of anorexia. It focuses on changing behaviour and maladaptive thinking. There is a recommended length of 1-2 years and it is shown to reduce the severity of symptoms. 

Like with all treatments and disorder it takes will power and the drive in yourself to get to a good place and develop from the eating disorder. 

I would love to hear some personal experiences of anorexia and how you are over coming it.

Kayliegh

xox

Eating Disorders ~ Bulimia.

Hi Guys!

This weeks post is about Bulimia. I am writing this from a psychological theory perspective and my experience.

An eating disorder is defined in the APA as abnormal eating habits that threaten your health or even your life which include Anorexia, Bulimia and BED (Binge Eating Disorder). At the heart of Bulimia there is an intense fear of gaining weight and a pursuit of thinness which can sometimes be deadly. 

Bulimia Nervosa is characterized by binge eating and efforts to prevent weight gain such as self-induced vomiting, excessive exercising and many more.  To be diagnosed with bulimia the individual must have recurrent episodes of binge eating and efforts to compensate for it, along with being influenced by body weight and body shape. The average binge would consist of over 4,800 calories. 

There are two main sub-types of bulimia: 

1. Purging Sub-Type ~ compensates for a binge with efforts to expel the food from their body.
2. Non-Purging Sub-Type ~ Compensate with excessive exercising and fasting.

Purging sub-type bulimia accounts for about 80% of reported bulimia cases.

The individual is usually of a normal weight or even over weight, however if they reach the criteria for binge eating anorexia they could be diagnosed with this as there is a greater mortality risk involved. The average onset for bulimia is 20 to 24 years old with a life time prevalence of 1% to 3% and a rate of one male to every ten females with an eating disorder.

Bulimia can lead to electrolyte imbalance, low potassium, damage to hands, throat and teeth due to purging, heart abnormalities and damage to heart muscle.

This is considered a modern disorder and children as young as 7 have been known to develop eating disorders. It is debated as to if bulimia and anorexia should be classed as different disorders as may who meet the criteria for bulimia have previously been diagnosed with anorexia. 

Eating disorders are commonly associated with with other disorders as 63% of individuals are diagnosed with depression along with occurrences of OCD, substance abuse, BPD (bi-polar disorder) and in more than 33% of reported cases the individual has engaged in some kind of self harming behavior. 

There is no one cause of an eating disorder and it is thought that it could be a result of biological, sociocultural, family and individual variables. 

Now you have the facts this is my experience with bulimia.

An eating disorder is never something you get over, it gets better but it doesn't just disappear. In the past six years of being diagnosed with bulimia I have gone through hard times. It had gotten to the stage where I was okay with eating and feeling good about it but there were times where I could not take the pressure of college or school and it got bad again. I just had to keep fighting it.

There were times that I could not bring myself to eat in front of others. We would be sat at college and we would all go for lunch but I would not eat because I knew if I did, I would have to purge and someone would find out. It was not until after we had our first discussion about eating disorders that a friend found me out. She didn't treat me any different and she didn't pressure me to eat either. She would ask me if I felt up to it today to try and encourage me to eat but if I said no she would not force me to eat. But most importantly she didn't tell anyone, she kept my secret and that was the best thing she could do for me. 

There was times where I was going over 24 hours with one meal and I was throwing that up as fast as I could. I would pass out because I would be that dizzy and at times I would not be able to see properly when I had finished getting every last bit of food out of me. I hated myself and always felt like I was not good enough or worthy in a way. Now I am able to eat a meal without feeling horrible, I am able to go out to dinner with my boyfriend and feel good about it. Yeah the feelings of wanting to purge are there but I fight them back because I know that nothing matters aslong as the people who love me are around me. I fight the feelings and urges because I know I am stronger than any urge can be.

Just remember that no matter what you are stronger than any urge will ever be!

If you would like any more information or need to talk about anything please remember that we are here to talk to you and help you. If you would like to know anything more about this topic tweet us, comment or e-mail us and we will help as well as we can.

Kayliegh

xox

Depression

Hi Guys!

So this week is all about depression. Depression is something that anyone can suffer from, it is not age, gender or cultural specific, it is experienced through all cultures! 

Through my experience with depression I have learned a lot. I have been able to distinguish between general down days and actual depressed feelings. At my worse I didn't want to do anything, I had to find a reason each day to even get up out of bed, even if that reason was to go to the bathroom. There are different types of depression and the symptoms can vary. However, depressive disorder has a high co-morbidity rate with other disorders such as eating disorders, stress disorders, anxiety disorders and many more. No matter what group of depressives the person can fall into it can still have a huge effect on the persons life. It is a really hard thing to go through. The worst thing is that you can never truly be 'cured' of depression, you just learn to cope with it and manage it to the point where it will not have as big an impact on your life. 

There are still days where I don't know why I should get out of bed. There are times where I can just sit in bed and cry my heart out and I will not really know why. And 'Why?' is that question I want to know the answer to but I will never really know. I think one day I will come to terms with my depression and the impact that I (in a way) allow it to have on my life. I feel that at times I do not fight it as hard as I should and as hard as I know I can fight it. 

I have been diagnosed with depression since I was 16 years old, but my psychologist believed from talking to both me and my mum that I had been suffering from it for years previous to that and it had all just gotten too much and it had become more noticeable through my self-harm. My self-harm was my way to release the sheer and utter sadness that I had inside. 

Everyone has a different experience with depression. Just like with all depressive disorders you can not compare two people. Which is why all coping methods are unique to each person.

My depression is still something I battle to this day but I am ploughing through it and each day I find a reason to get out of bed even if it is to go to the bathroom and once I am out I figure I should stay up for the day. On these days I put on my boyfriends tracksuit bottoms and his big hoodie and lounge around watching crappy films and on the day if my eating is good I will eat popcorn and sit and talk to my best friends all day, But if my eating is not good I do not eat which is not the best thing to do. But the important thing it to try.

So this is a short synopsis of my depression, of you want more just tell me :)

Stay Strong My Lovelies

Kayliegh

xox

MHM Week 1: Coping (Amy's POV)

Hi Guys, Amy here! What follows below is a personal account of how I cope with bad days. I would just like to thank the lovely Siobhan for choosing this topic for myself and Kayliegh before she went on holidays! I really enjoyed writing about t his topic.

Without further ado...

Coping with Bad Days/Down Days

To me, bad days are generally categorized into two different types. There’s the generic day where I just feel bad and there’s no reason for feeling down. There is also the day’s where I’m upset by something, or trying to pick back up in the aftermath of a Panic Attack. I am going to focus on the more serious days.

On the days after a panic attack, I admit I don't really deal with life very well. I had to deal with the aftermath of a panic on Thursday just gone, as a matter of fact. It was the first one in a year. On Thursday, admittedly I was a shambles, but I dragged myself out of bed and just tried to carry on. I did the things I felt like doing, rather than the things I should have been doing. I ate crap food, including lactose heavy foods, and I drank more tea that day that I would drink in a week under normal circumstances. I coped with my feelings pretty badly, but my defence is that they were kind of new to me, in a way. I haven't felt them in 12 months. Somewhere during my day of just trying to get by, it stopped being such an effort and normality returned. On these days, you just have to just will yourself to keep going on. Yes, I hear you saying “It’s so hard though” but you can do it. I know that you are able to.

Things That Help(ed) Me:

1: Archery

Let’s just take it back a bit. It’s 2011, and I’m suffering from frequent, often un-provoked panic attacks. To cope, I threw myself into my sport, Archery. I shot a lot. 3 or 4 days a week and I competed at every opportunity. I shot in National level events, and throwing myself into Archery helped me not only find a way to cope, but I steadily made more and more new friends, performed better and better, and placed. I was able to say for a while that I was the 2nd Junior Irish Female shooting Outdoors in the country. That was Cork. Dundalk saw me as 3^rd Indoor in the same category. Archery was a primary method of coping during that time. 

I will always tell people that sports help.

2: Music

During that time period, I was also REALLY into my music. I listened to what I can now admit was dark, heavy and often depressing music. I thought it helped at the time, but now I know it was glorifying depressive states, suicide, self-harm, and self-hate. It was what I needed to get through in that time, but nowadays I lean towards music that is more inclined to reduce the time I spend wallowing, as well as reducing the depth of the funk. 

Lately, I am favouring the soundtrack from The Great Gatsby and bands like Dropkick Murphys, over the bands I once never strayed from like HIM and Cradle Of Filth. Punk-Rock covers of Irish ballads win over Cradle of Filths “Cruelty Brought Thee Orchids”, though, I cannot state categorically that I am not still really partial to a bit of Dani Filth, and my favourite band are indeed still HIM, I have learned that they don’t help an already sad Amy.

3: Talking

When I can’t get out of a slump by myself, I will text/call someone for a chat. It doesn’t always have to be about how I’m feeling, because I love the chats with people, and a lot of times all I need is company. When my friend Anna is home, I go over to hers for tea and I have never left her house without having a hilarious, random time.

If you can’t talk about things with someone you know, there are plenty of peer-to-peer services like O La Go La, where you can anonymously talk about what you are feeling and find help to get through it.

4: Distraction

Music probably falls under this bracket, but for all intents and purposes, I mean doing things. You might be feeling wretched, but does the thought of cake make you go, “Ooh yeah I wouldn’t mind a slice of cake…”? Then you should set about making a cake. The process is extrememly comforting, the mixing, the pouring, measuring etc. Methodical tasks calm me down majorly. Maybe it would work for you too. And hey, who doesn’t love a few hours distraction that is going to end in cake?!

My Advice To You

If I could give anyone advice on how to get through a day where you feel really down, I would tell you definitely to do the following:

·        Get up, get out of bed. Yes, I know it's warm, and it's comfy, but you will feel the better of it because you will get your blood flowing.

·        Have a shower, even if you are just doing so as an excuse to get into fresh pyjamas afterwards! Showers are a place to think, I find, and a place to just let go of bad feelings. Imagine the water washing your bad day down the drain!

·        Eat something. I cannot stress this enough. I don't care what you eat, if could be a pack of celery, it could be a box of doughnuts, but just have food. Starving yourself doesn’t help anything.

·        Open some windows. Fresh air always helps me, so maybe it might be beneficial for you. Better still, try to go outside, bring a cup of tea or coffee with you into the garden and enjoy it outside.

As for the rest of it, here are some suggestions for things to fill up your day, and occupy you so you don't dwell on your bad feelings and risk spiralling.

·        Clean your room or your house

·        Read a book

·        Talk to a friend. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved.

·        Talk to your pets. I do this, and I promise, it's not a crazy-cat-lady thing; it really does help, especially when they look at you and you know they know what you’re talking about.

·        Go for a walk (If the Irish weather permits, of course!)

·        Bake a cake (occupies you, AND you get cake!! One of my favourite ways to kill a few sad hours)

·        Catch up on your blog reading if that's your thing

·        Watch a movie. (Stay away from movies that might make you cry, instead, go for animations)

·        Browse online for random things! thisiswhyimbroke.com is a fantastic website for this kind of thing!!

·        Organize something (eg: I'm waiting for a down day to alphabetise my DVD collection, and another to reorganize my chest of drawers)

·        Learn a new skill. I got good at building Airfix models and Warhammer figurines during the time when my life was a series of down days! By the time I got to learn Crochet, I was doing a lot better because I was occupying myself and getting woolly goodies out of my bad feelings.

·        Clear out your wardrobe, and give some things to charity. Often, we feel better from the knowledge that we are helping people, as well as making space in our wardrobes. Then you can treat yourself to something in the future!

No matter what, I want you to please try to remember that if your day is going badly, if you’re feeling down, the only person who can pick you up and keep you up, is you. I would urge you, if life seems to be really awful, to go to your GP and explain how you feel. They can help, and they will have the means to get you back to top form!

The things I’ve listed above have been a means of keeping myself going when I was really down at one point or another. I would love so much to hear your Coping Techniques, as well as what you think of the ones I use. Do you see yourself trying out anything from the list?

Please feel free to post your coping strategies to your own blog, and tweet us the link @MentalHealthMon with the hashtag #MHM. Similarly, you can email us your stories if you would like us to share them. You can choose to be named, or be made anonymous. Remember, our little team will respect whatever you wish to do! All the contact info is in the "Contact Us" tab on the homepage.

All My Love,

Amy

xx

Week 1 ~ Coping Mechanisms

Hi guys!

So this weeks topic s is about coping on down days. Now we all have different methods of coping and dealing with things and these are the ways that I cope with my down days…..

First ART……

When I was at my worst I would sit in my room and draw for hours on end and draw. It was always something I loved at school, it was the reason I went. I used art as a coping mechanism for years but I never realised that I used it in this way until I went to counselling and she asked me what I would do most of the time and I told her “I love to draw”. I would use it as a media to release the feelings that I would not express through words. I guess in a way I used it as a way to create a world where everything was perfect and it helped with the pain I felt. It was not until recently I looked back at the things that I drew and they were kinda dark. I also remember being so over protective of it too, I would get really mad when people would look at it like it was really personal; it was my way of expressing and getting out of my head. I found it helped a lot.

Second MUSIC…..

I would sit in my room with my I-Pod in and listen to music. It didn’t matter what music it was it was just another way of escape. When I listened to music I would be in any world my mind dreamed up. I also went through a period of listening to music that was about suicide and self harm but that was before I when into counselling. However one song that did help me was one by a band called Between the Trees it was called The Way She Feels. It was kind dark but it gave me hope somehow. The lines that will stay with me are:

“Curled up she's on the floor
Relief left her she had hoped for something more
From it (hoped for something more)
From it
He leans down to comfort her
She is weeping and He
Wraps His arms around
And around and around….

She opened her eyes
And found relief in His life
And put down her knives”

One song that has encouraged me to let others see my scars is Exit Wounds buy The Script and a few lines in particular that have encouraged me are:

“Lose your clothes and show your scars, that’s who you are”

These are the lyrics that I want to get tattooed on me as a kind reminder that I have finally been cut free for almost 2 years and that I am finally able to let people see my scars.

All my life music has been a huge influence to me. It has been the one constant that was always there. When I was bullied it was there, when my grandfather left it was there, when people died it was there and when I was slowly killing myself it was there and now it is here when I have bad days and I don’t feel like getting out of bed. It is a constant, even though it has changed over the years and the music has become different, it was always something I knew would be there at the end of the day.

Third WRITING…..

I kept a journal through my counselling sessions and they also had me writing my life story which at first would do me more harm than good, but surprisingly the things I could not talk about I could write them and let my counsellors read. For some reason it seemed less emotional. I don’t know if that makes sense haha. I would sit and write out lyrics and then eventually the lyrics of music that helped me worked their way onto my walls along with quotes by people that I found inspirational and ones that I loved. Writing was another escape for me. When I was writing I was not cutting or throwing up.

Fourth READ……

I would read any books I could get my hands on. I loved reading Nicholas Sparks novels, they helped as I would escape into a world where there was immense love and triumph over obstacles. I came to love A Walk To Remember as this was such an immense love story and I fell in love with the book and film. It was an escape that I loved.

Fifth BAKE…..

My nanna taught me how to bake when I was 4 year old. We would stand in the kitchen and bake for hours on end and then give it away. I found something so therapeutic about the methodology of measuring and mixing and kneading dough, when I was doing this I would not think of anything else except the next step and how I was going to get rid of everything I made. This took my mind off of everything.

Sixth MOVIES….

I would sit and have movie marathons to take my mind off into another world. I would sit and watch Disney movies. They would take me back to a simpler time where the biggest dilemma I had to deal with was what teddy was I going to sleep with that night. At the end of the movie the Prince Charming swept the girl off her feet and took her to the castle where they lived happily ever after. I know that is not always true but it is nice thinking that in an alternative reality somewhere it does happen. When I watched these films everything seems so simple and safe and good would always overcome evil. And no one is ever too old for Disney!

Seventh DESIGN…..

When I first sunk into my depression my art led me to designing and I developed my own imaginary fashion line which one day I hope I will be able to release. I love fashion and make up and all things girly. This is something really positive to come out opf all the hard things I went through.

I still use all of these today when I am down. They seem to be really important mechanisms for me. As I said everyone has a different way of coping with feelings and down days and these are just mine. I would love to hear what all of you do to cheer yourself up when you are down so get your opinions in.

Kayliegh

xox

Kaylieghs Story

Trigger Warning:

Contains information about self-injurious behaviour and eating disorders which some readers may find triggering. 

"Strength means recognizing that is is impossible to be strong all the time" ~ Sally Franser

Okay, so this is a little hard to write, I thought I had locked all of this away in a box and put it all in the past. However, the past never stays in the past, does it? But I can't deny my past as it has made me who I am today, I guess that in some way I am thankful to all the crappy things I went through because if I didn't go through them I may have taken a very different path.

So I am Kayliegh and I am 22 and I didn't really have the easiest teenage years to say the least (I feel like I am standing up at an AA meeting or something) and since I was 16 I have been a cutter. I have never said those words like that before it's weird as I never put myself into a category I would always make excuses for my actions but now I realize I was just kidding myself.  

"People have no idea how long something they say can stay in ones mind".

I was never one of the popular kids, I wasn't one of the smart people, I didn't fit into any group so I would bury myself into school work to try and bring up my grades and I started to get smarter. That didn't help as then I was bullied for being to smart then I decided to dumb myself down to try and stop the name calling. I didn't have many friends I had a few people who I though were my friends but they were not really, I learned that the hard way. Then I felt isolated and I didn't know it at the time but I was sinking into depression. I started to feel more lonely and that loneliness was getting worse by the day so I started to hurt myself. For some reason hurting myself made the lonely feelings better and more bearable. I went on doing this for about a year and slowly I became addicted to it, I needed to it get through the day. One night I was on first aid duty at a football match with some true friends and I passed out and they took me to the hospital and this is where my secret was revealed. At this point I was 17 and I was forced to go to see a counselor and I was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety disorder and participating in self-injurious behavior. So once a week I would sit in a room with a woman I didn't know and I was expected to tell her everything I was thinking, it was hard but I slowly opened up. Later in my sessions I was diagnosed with bulimia. The think about bulimia is that you don't have to be dangerously thin to be diagnosed and that's why for me it was the perfect alternative to cutting myself because in a way I was still hurting myself. 

Through counseling I started to feel better about myself and I managed to stop. I continued the counseling through my final year in secondary school because I was terrified that with the pressure I would be under that I would start doing it again. I continued it and I made it through the year without hurting myself.

"One day can change everything......"

When I went to college all this changed.........

College is a totally different world to secondary school, new people, new city, new life and a new me..... or so I thought. Even though I made some amazing friends I still felt so isolated and I could feel myself slipping again. Slowly the urges I had felt for the past two years to hurt were getting stronger and stronger and one day I slipped up and that was it. It started to creep back into my life. It started out as one cut every few days, but it became two every day and then more and more to where I couldn't get through one lecture a day without cutting myself and my eating had gotten bad again to the point where I was eating once a day but throwing that up when I would go for a shower. I was back in the dark place I thought I had left behind forever.

"Sometimes all we can do is cry...."

One night I broke and I could no longer keep up the facade and I told my best friend Chris. He was shocked that I had kept this from him when eight months previous to this we were together, I have never been able to figure out why I could tell him but no one else. I was only in my first year of my psychology degree and I didn't want to live anymore, the pressure was just to immense and I didn't know how to handle it and I didn't want to tell my parents as they thought I was better and I didn't want to put them through what they went through when they found out the first time. I was shocked by something Chris did, he never gave up on me. He would sit up until all hours of the morning taking to me and telling me everything would be okay. He pushed me and pushed me to help me get better and be the person that he knew! He knew that I could get better even when I didn't know it, he had faith when I didn't have anything to hold onto. 

"There is always one way out of hell, and that is through it"~ Winston Churchill

The hardest day during this time was the day I gave up my blades to Chris, but I hit rock bottom when I walked over an hour to his house to get them back. However, when I had them I did not feel any of the comfort I used to when I had them. I could never leave the house without at least one blade, they were like a comfort blanket to me bit this time I felt nothing but contempt for them. They changed me, they took away the spark that I had and they hacked that spark into little pieces and changed me into someone I didn't recognize in the slightest. I knew things had to change and that was the moment that I knew that I wanted to get better for me. That was the day that I really knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life..... I wanted to clean up and become a counselor, I wanted to help people who went through crappy things in their life. I wanted to help people who thought that their life was not worth living anymore. 

So that's what I did I sorted myself out with the help of Chris. I am not saying that everything is great now, those urges never go away when I am down or sad or feel like I am not good enough I feel like I want to hurt but I fight those urges and say 'no' I am not going back there because getting to the place where I don't do it everyday took a lot of work and commitment and nights up crying and distracting myself but for the past two years I have been totally clean.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger......."

They say you need life experience to be a counselor, I think between deaths, family members just getting up and leaving, being bullied because I was half English living in Ireland, people stabbing me in the back at every turn, building my walls to keep people out, not trusting guys, depression, anxiety, self-harm and coming out the other end of it, I think I have been through enough.

I have proved a lot of people wrong by getting to the place I am in right now. I have been to hell and back and I'm still standing and I have the scars to prove it. For so long I was ashamed of my scars and my past and I hid myself and would never wear anything that would run the chance of people seeing them but now I don't care, I don't care who sees them now. As weird as it sounds I wear them with some pride, they show that I have been trough a tough dark time in my life but I am proof that there is a way out of it. 

I have some amazing friends now that don't judge me for this and they are partly the reason I am still here. They will never know how much I value them and how much I am in debt to them for saving me and at times they quiet literally saved my life. I don't think Chris knows how much I love him for saving me and believing in me when so many others would have walked away and I can never thank him enough for it and Amy too. Even when Amy and I didn't really know each other she still let him help me and she helped too. Even when me and chris fought she pushed us to talk and she knows when she did this and I thank her for that because if she didn't that could have been the end of our friendship. And I have an amazing boyfriend that helps me and looks past all my mistakes and all of my past and loves me for me and loves all of me when alot of people would not be able to. So thank you guys for believing in me because sometimes people need someone to believe in them before they can believe in themselves.

"Scars are like battle wounds, beautiful in way. They show what you've been through and how strong you are for coming out of it" ~ Demi Lovato

Mental health is not really addressed, there is this ridicules stigma with it, like it is a taboo or something! There is not nearly enough emphasis on it as there is with other problems, and that sickens me! Due to this stupid stigma I was afraid to write and publish this but I think it is about time more people stood up and started telling their story. 

So this is me telling mine and if it will encourage one person out there to tell their story and that their life is worth living then I have done my job.

Always remember in the dark of night, even when you can't see them, the stars are still there.......

Stay strong my lovelies

Kayliegh

xox

Amys Story

“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.” L.P Hartley

Everyone has a past. Its a universal truth that most of us are embarrassed or ashamed of what occurred in their past. Most people hate the pictures of when they had an awkward hippie phase, or maybe a horrible, ill thought-out haircut that took months upon months to grow out. In my more serious posts, I touched on bullying because of my hair colour and also on anxiety. 

I love blogging about beauty, don't get me wrong, but every so often I have to remember that this blog was created so I could have a place to write thing that would help me, and in turn help others. So I'm going to reclaim that for a while. 

Please remember that what follows is personal and maybe I shouldn't be sharing this, but someone out there will get solace from this, maybe. If I help one person, then it will be worth the anxious feelings that hitting that little orange "publish" button will bring.

When I was 18 or 19, I went to see Paramore in The 02 with my boyfriend at the time. Everything was going amazingly and we were after making friends with some people from Northern Ireland in the queue. We got in and were standing around in the crowd surrounded by around 10,000 people. I was in front of Himself, and I don't really remember what preceded my breakdown but I have been told that I turned my head to look around and I was in tears. I snapped back into the world around me then and I started to freak out. I remember it vividly, painfully. I started to freak out and He had to push me out of the crowd as I hyperventilated, cried and screamed. I was having my very first panic attack. I couldn't control it and for that very reason I was terrified. What was happening to me??? I was brought to a Medic and all I remember was being asked had I taken drugs. No way. Never have, never will. I was taken into a medical room and made to sit down as they attempted to bring me out of my panic. They gave me water and asked me questions. I answered them all in a pretty harrowed, hiccuping voice, from what I remember. Then they gave us seated tickets to get me away from the crowd and let me go out to the ushers when I was able to be up and functioning properly. 

That was the start of two or three awful years for me. I went downhill rapidly after that, sometimes having up to two panics a week, which would vary from mild shaking and quietness, to full blown screaming and hysterical crying. All of these panics were accompanied by thoughts that the world around me was falling asunder, that I was losing control of myself and my life. I hated myself for being weak. There was an awful couple of weeks during the following summer, where I was really low, and I just didn't know how to reach out, or who to reach out to. As if that wasn't bad enough, I was being made to feel awful by others because I didn't know how to cope with my own feelings. It was Hell. 

My relationship ended the following February/March and I was surprisingly fine with it for about a week. Then I crumbled even further. Now while I say that, I in no way blame him, nor was it the definitive reason for my further demise. This was when I started to think really dark thoughts. I was listening to a lot of really depressing music which now when I think back on it, was glamorizing self-harm and suicide. Now while I have to just plainly state that I have never ever physically harmed myself, I can fully admit that wallowing in my dark, depressive states was mental harm. I was always listening to music that dealt with death, suicide, blades, alcohol, and a lot of negative imagery. I was hurting myself indirectly. I can admit that now, but back then, I was spiralling and could not see it. While I can understand the mentality and the place you have to be in to want to take it out on yourself, in order to have physical pain to focus on rather than the mental anguish, I just could never understand the action. Its a big jump from theory to practice.

I met Chris not too long after my previous relationship, having known him for a while just as casual hello's, as he's a close friend of my Ex. He doesn't know this (but I believe he reads my blog) but I thought he was the instant fixer. He made me feel beautiful, he made me laugh, life was looking up. But I was fooling myself. Things with Chris were getting more and more serious and I was so happy with Chris, but I was getting worse to a certain point. I would cry on the bus home because I didn't want to be alone. I was aware of how much better I felt when I spent time with people, but you have to go home sometime, and its in those moments you see the difference. I still didn't know who to reach out to or how to do it. Many nights were spent crying and feeling like I was coming apart from the inside out. I would spend hours on MSN and Facebook Chat to Chris and my best friend Aine talking. Aine (I love you, you ass kicking bitch!) gave me plenty of pep talks when I opened up. I told her about feeling so low I thought about suicide. She went ballistic. I cried and cried, typing away to beat the band, and for a while I would feel better. Time was rapidly passing. Chris spent many a night talking to me over video chat and IM, helping me to muddle through my feelings. It helped, and I love both Aine and Chris for helping me. 

We went to Kerry for a week during the summer of 2011, and as is the case when 11 people in their late teens go off on a holiday of boozing and debauchery, there was drama. It's not my drama to talk about but it really set me back. Ho hum, that's just life I suppose.

Through Chris I met another amazing friend (and I love you too for the record!), Kayliegh. She and I weren't close at first, but we had common ground in our struggles and we played a lot of cards together in Kerry, and when Chris went off to Donegal and Spain for a month two summers ago, we leaned on each other a lot. I hadn't got my boyfriend and she hadn't got her best friend. We literally talked every day. Somewhere in there we formed a firm friendship that I am grateful everyday for! I don't remember who persuaded me to, but I eventually went to see my GP and told her about my panics. She was not helpful in the slightest. I was advised to buy a self help book and see how I fared with that. I read it. It did not help me. So I went back and suddenly there was a new GP in her place who was amazing! She referred me to a Psychiatrist. I was bricking it and it did take about 2 months for him to get to see me, but it was the first step to recovery. I had thought day in, day out about dying up until I went to see my doctor. Now I was getting in control. 

When I went to see the Psychiatrist, Dr Paul, I was terrified. Was I being silly? Maybe I was over-thinking my problems? Did I even have problems??? Time to man-up, as they say! So in I went, answered a myriad of questions about my family and my relationships, my life, what was happening in my life, and how I had learned to cope with my panic attacks. I answered every single question with blunt honesty, and after 90 minutes in Dr Pauls office, I was given a basic diagnosis. Anxious Avoidance Personality Disorder. What a sigh of relief I breathed! I had a problem, it had a name, I could work on it. I was asked to come back to see a Clinical Psychologist. She was amazing. Like a lifelong friend, I just opened up to her and spilled all of the worries and hurt out. She took notes, told me she'd see me again and work on getting me a space in an Anxiety Support Group. I was thrilled. Things were looking up. 

In the meantime, I couldn't get through a weekend with Chris without breaking down somehow, into hysterical tears and spilling my guts. One weekend I told him about how low I had been feeling. I felt like the worst failure in the world. What kind of person was I to be attempting to have a serious relationship with someone?? I obviously didn't deserve to be loved. I was unlovable. I was awful. Maybe I should just die and stop bothering everyone with my stupid head problems. I didn't know what to do. Things felt like they were going from bad to worse. Somehow, Chris took it all on board, and continued to persevere in helping me get through. It wasn't the worst thing I had told him. Imagine your other half telling you they had thought long and hard about how to kill themselves and feel as little pain as possible. I did that. Imagine seeing your other half in hysterical tears telling you they want to die. I also did that. I was put on medication after medication, until I found the one that fit. Then I stayed on that for a year, and slowly things picked up. The tablets were doing their job, thankfully, and I was slowly learning to be happy. 

I came off those tablets a year ago, or so. I just forgot to take them and slowly I was off them. I was terrified of what Dr Paul was going to say during our next session, but he was fine with it. He reminded me that medicating was only going to do half of the work, and I had to step up and do the other half. Time to be strong. After being told I could stay off the tablets, I was pretty scared. Was I going to come crashing down? Would I cope OK? Having recently been diganosed also with Generalised Anxiety Disorte, now only time would tell. I would still talk to Kayliegh, I would still have my arse kicked by Aine, I would still cry over stupid things, but I knew I had to be a big bold 20 year old and be brave. 

For the first few months after I got discharged from Dr Paul's Mental Health Clinic, I was still really liable to slip and wallow in my own self pity. That wasn't helping but this time I knew it. I decided that I was going to help myself be happy. I was going to kick all my bad habits and that was just the way it was going to be. I would be Amy 2.0 if it was to kill me. I deleted people off Facebook who I knew weren't good for me, and I forged new, wonderful friendships! I even cut all of my purple hair off and embraced my ginger self! It was hard, and every day I wanted to give up, but I am absolutely not a quitter and life is there to be lived, so I was going to live it, and fuck anyone who said I was doing it wrong!! 

I can't remember the last time I wallowed. I especially can't remember the last time I panicked. I started this blog and suddenly I was feeling like this amazing, fabulous Super-Amy! I had an outlet for my negative energy, and it had the scope to help someone else. I was going to do what made me happy, and that was just the way it was going to be. If anyone said anything negative, suddenly I was able to deal with their comments. I had been budding during the months prior to this, but now I was in full bloom. 

Amy from 3 years ago is so far removed from who I am now, and I couldn't be more happy, or proud of who I have become. I know now that I was damaging myself, I was making my own life miserable, and in doing so, making other people miserable and hurting them. I felt like shit, all the time, and that wasn't okay. I want to say that during my year of rising out of the darkness, there have been setbacks, hurdles I've had thrown out in front of me. My ex told me he lied about loving me and led me on. I knew for a long time that our relationship was toxic, that we were bad for each other, though, I know because he told me once I'd be unattractive with my natural hair color. The only one who was unattractive in that exchange was him, with his manipulating words. My friends have told me about their problems which I was too blind to see myself and its made me feel like a failure, as a friend. But life moves on and all you can do if grow and mature. At the age of 21, I have more knowledge of my own strength that many don't attain til their 40's. 

This might not have been the most coherent post, but the misery of that time in my life mushes it all together in to one big black, tear-stained blob. I can't thank Chris, Kayliegh, Aine, and all the rest of my friends enough for helping me get through. I absolutely love every single one of you more than you will ever, EVER know! 

If this post helps one person, then it will have been worth it. While I'm not proud of my past, I'm proud that I came through it. I'm proud of what I learned, and in some ways, I'm grateful for the experiences I had, because they shaped me. I'm the  new and improved, confident, brave Amy, and that is definitely something I'm grateful for. If you find yourself in the dark, please remember what Dumbledore once said...

“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban, J.K Rowling)

I hope you mined some kind of wisdom from my demented, probably overly honest ramble. 

All my Love,

Amy,

xoxo