Mental Health and Tattoos Vol.1

Tattoo's are probably not something you would associate in any way with Mental Health. Most people can be forgiven for not seeing the link, because in all honesty, the link is only there for the people in the intersection of the Venn diagram representing both MH and Tattoos. I know that for a lot of people out there this is a strange topic but bear with me. I am going to talk you through the struggles I have faced with reference to my Mental Health and how my tattoos fit in among them. 

With regard to the different areas of my life, I have struggled with intense crowd-phobia, panic attacks which were both trigger-driven and un-triggered, depression, anxiety (both general and social) and self-loathing... I wont lie and say that I used tattoos as a way to close off chapters in my life, because I didn't. What are tattoos for me? They serve as a permanent reminder of where I've come from, where I'm headed and represent intense gratitude in two instances.

Now I know I'm not the only one who has a tattoo or two that represents some part of their past (or even current). Kayliegh, the co-creator of this blog has a beautiful script tattoo, which says "lose your clothes and show your scars", a pretty simple but powerful motto to remember. Perhaps she might touch on this topic another time from her own perspective, but for now, I'm going to discuss mine and what they have come to mean in my life.

Looking at my tattoos objectively allows me to talk about their meanings more succinctly.

My first tattoo represented a part of myself that I recognized in a man I hold in high regard, and respect dearly: Ville Valo. Anyone who knows me personally knows how much I think of him. He has a small heart on his right wrist, and I have one similar, though not the same! The meaning has grown since I've had it, though the original meaning has never been lost; "When I love, I love..". It's always been a part of who I am to love intensely, not just partners, but friends, family etc. I find myself physically upset when someone I care about is down or unwell. No matter what has happened in the last six years, I have always and will always love those around me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, as it were. I would also like to think that it represents myself in that it's a bit warped, but still alright, just like me!

My ambigram, atop my left shoulder which reads the same when you stand either in front of me, or behind me has a pretty simple meaning: Whatever way you look at me, however you perceive me, I am still Amy, and I am still beautiful. There's really nothing I can say for this one except that it took me a while to live by this. Public opinion meant a lot to me and there was nothing worse to me than people not liking me (social anxiety creeping in). I spent a long time learning that people will either love you or hate you, but you need to focus on those who love you and treat you right, rather than wasting your time trying to make the haters change their minds. I'll always be me, and that's the important thing.

The first big piece I ever got was a LOTR quote, in Elvish, mind you! The quote translates in English as "Few can foresee wither the road will lead them til they come to its end". Having exacerbated my anxiety for at least a year worrying over where I was going in life, feeling awful for being unemployed, generally wondering why I was bothering, this quote has helped me though many bad patches. I worry a lot about my future but this reminds me to be a bit less of a worry-wart. Life is going to lead me where it leads me and while I may have all these ideas and plans, it's not a big deal if they don't come true or they go pear-shaped because I'll find my way to where I'm supposed to be, no matter what. 

It had been 3 years since I had any work done but then last August I took the plunge and got a really important piece. The album that was the catalyst for everything I have since become, the person I have grown into was Venus Doom, by the Finnish metal band HIM. The limited edition album had these glyph-type symbols and I swore to myself that one day I would have them tattooed on me. That band pretty much kept me from the knife edge and I knew having a reminder of them on my body would never come close to the gratitude Ville Valo and his band-mates deserve. I think I identified with it more strongly from knowing that Ville was going through his own personal hell, and that reminded me how I was not alone. I've never been alone since then. 16 year old me had enough sense at the time though to know that tattooing a band on you is a risky business. Five years later it was still as good an idea as it was when I first thought of it, so I went for it! I love it so so much and you can actually find a full review of the whole process on my personal blog HERE. 

Most recently, I decided that it was high time to commemorate something that brought me out of myself... Archery. If it wasn't for archery being offered as an extra curricular activity in school, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to keep it on, and during the darkest days, I may never have left the house. I used to perform quite well in my bracket. I've made the most amazing friends and had the best weekends of my life because of archery. Though right now I cannot shoot due to a long standing injury, coupled with collegiate commitments, there is always the future. Nothing could tear me from a sport that kept me smiling even when my dad was in hospital, when I wanted to drop off the face of the planet, when I was miserable... Even the fear I'm currently experiencing wont keep me from getting back to it. 

Gone are the days when I would weep from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. My tattoos are a reminder of my trials and my strength in the face of great hardships. I am proud not only of my ink, but of the person I have become. Life used to be a miserable sequence of crap days and negative thoughts, but I've come through the worst of it, and I find comfort and solace in the significance of my tattooed story. 

Hopefully we will have more posts on this topic in the next couple of weeks so we can see all the different perspectives... 

Drop a comment below if you have any input, and if you would like to get in contact with us here at Mental Health Monday, be it feedback or sending us a guest post you would like published, you can drop us a mail - our email is in the Contact Us tab. 

As always, if you need any assistance with any struggles, you can find a list of useful organizations in the tabs above. 

Amy
xx

Saturday Slogans: Definition, Destruction, Strengthen...

Hey guys, it's been a while. 


Firstly let me apologize for mine and Kaylieghs absences, life has been hectic lately. 

Since its 2014, and a brand new year means a brand new chance to make things better than ever, it means that we have a brand new chance to diminish Mental Health stigma. 

I was inspired by the picture on the right to start a piece called Saturday Slogans.

To me, everything that happens to us does so for a reason and though sometimes is may be hard, we all need to fight to get through. After you have come out the other side, when you look back you'll be surprised and delighted with how you did it. 

Keep fighting, guys. 

I love you all, 
Fight the Fear, 

Amy 

xxx

Do What Works: Campaign for Mental Health Reform

Hi All!

Today I was contacted by Rebecca Gate on behalf of Do What Works, the petition for the campaign for Mental Health Reform. Last year the campaign collected of 10,000 signatures on their petition, and this year they hope to beat that. But they need our help to do it.

What They Say:
 "This autumn, Mental Health Reform is asking you to help them protect the mental health budget. Their Do What Works petition (http://www.mentalhealthreform.ie/petition2013) is calling on the Government to Do What Works for mental health by investing in community mental health services and other measures to support mental health. Mental Health Reform is a national coalition of organisations working to promote improved mental health services. Please sign the petition and help keep mental health on the agenda ahead of Budget Day on 15^th October. If you’d like to help out at any of Mental Health Reform’s petition days around the country, you’ll find the list of dates and venues here: http://www.mentalhealthreform.ie/petition-days-2013/."

If you would like to sign the petition, please click the top link, and if you want extra info on the dates and venues of dedicated petition days, all around Ireland, click the second link! 

Thanks for reading this guys!

Amy

Sometimes, We Find Inspiration In The Oddest Of Moments...

When I was feeling down one day last week, it occurred to me that I hadn't eaten for a few hours. This got me thinking. To have a healthy body you have to eat well, so what about a healthy mind? How much does food matter there?? How do the three interlink?

Everyone knows we as people need to eat well. To me, eating well can be as basic as eating in general, but the general consensus is to take in portions according to the food pyramid. But, did you know that there are some foods clinically proven to reduce the effects of certain mental health issues, such as depression and ADHD, as well as schizophrenia among others.

These foods are:
Fish, like salmon and sardines, which are high in Omega-3 fatty acids which are necessary for not only a healthy body (by lowering the risk of strokes, cardiovascular disease and also by aiding dry skin) but also a healthy mind, since Omega 3 Fatty Acids aid the neurotransmitters in the brain releasing dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine affects attention, thought processes, and pleasure, among other things; Serotonin is involved in memory, mood and appetite.

Whole grain foods are also helpful for a healthy body and mind, because of the complex carbohydrates (sugars) in them, which are released slowly over time. Constant, steady streams of nutrients are capable of sustaining you for longer than simple carbohydrates which spike your blood sugar and then cause you to crash quickly. Scientists have compared simple carbohydrates to drug abuse when it comes to mental health as they exacerbate low moods. Complex carbohydrates also help us feel fuller for longer.

Lean meats is protein for the body, and also amino-acids for the brain, helping produce Serotonin, which as we learned above, is a neurotransmitter involved in mood, appetite and memory. Protein is the second most abundant substance in our bodies so it is imperative to take in enough lean meat, so we can function at optimum levels.

Leafy Greens are my personal favorite. Broccoli, spinach, romaine lettuce and other veg like beetroots, are high in B-Vitamins and studies have shown that deficiencies in B-Vitamins can exacerbate depression, insomnia and cause fatigue.

Herbs can also play a part in the alleviation of symptoms related to minor depression, such as parsley, which can also help keep your hormonal balance in check. Chamomile (which you can take as a tea, as its not the best idea to eat chamomile flowers) has been known to alleviate minor depression symptoms, as well as anxiety and insomnia... If you find yourself particularly tense, garlic, mint and basil will aid in the relaxation of muscles. They may be stinky herbs, but if they help, don't worry about it. They're also very tasty, which is another plus.

The Bottom Line:
Basically, by skipping meals or the like, you are denying your body the chance of essential nutrients that will aid a healthy mind, as well as keep your body looking and feeling well!! Double the trouble, eh?

Eat well, Feel better!
Amy
xox

P.S: thank you to whoever nominated us for the Blog Awards 2013!! Kayliegh and I cannot figure out who did it, but we are SO grateful and humbled to be in such a wonderful position. I personally love this blog to bits, and am thrilled to see people enjoying our content. Not bad for what started out life as a silly little idea, eh? I'm crying tears of joy, thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart!!

Do You Really Know Me, Really?

Hey guys,

First just let me quickly apologize for my absence last week, I was snowed under all weekend. I'm back now though, and hopefully you can forgive the gap I left in our posting two by two! Secondly, this following post is going to be a bit of a personal one, so as to balance out the POV's we have on here. Kayliegh has posted two absolutely brilliant blogs on here about eating disorders, today, and last Monday! Here is my personal ramblings on the topic...

Now.

Do you really know me? If you saw me on the street would you know that I used to starve myself on purpose? Would you be able to tell? I bet you wouldn't. I wouldn't be on for advertising the fact. But its the truth.

People in my life, all of whom know me pretty well, will know that I am a big fan of my food. As a kid, I was the only person I knew, of my age, who would willingly eat a salad. My mother has even told me the stories of when I was maybe four, sitting on her knee in a cafe with her friend, helping her eat a giant plate of salad. We used to share salads when we went shopping, I remember them vividly. One plate, two sets of forks.

I don't know how or when I started skipping meals, but it certainly wasn't to be thin. I only say this because it will aid me getting my point across: I have been stick-thin since my puppy fat dropped off, around the age of 3 or 4. My family found it an unmitigated nightmare to get me clothes that fit. Being tall and thin as a child helps nobody, especially when the clothes are sold by age, rather than size!

I have never skipped a meal to aid in weight-loss, that much is true. I did so because I thought I deserved to be punished for the bad things I did, the bad person I was. If I had a fight with my boyfriend, I wouldn't eat til maybe, dinner the next day to punish myself for "being a shit person", as I rationalized it.

I hated myself for being weak (and to me being weak was my anxiety, my panic attacks, my constant battles with depression), for making people miserable, and so, I would deliberately skip meals to atone. I have lied to everyone at some point, maybe even you, the person reading this. "Yes, I had breakfast!" was the most common lie. Breakfast is the most important meal, so the old adage goes, but to me, it was the meal that I would deliberately skip, because it was easy to. When lunch came around, it was again, very easy to be really busy until the hunger went away.

At the worst of my self-inflicted punishment, I was working off maybe one slice of toast for a whole day, plus coffee or tea and my anti-depressant medication.

I ate alone, or I didn't eat at all. There was no middle ground. My family are well used to me disappearing with a plate of something to my room. It's never questioned. I can't abide eating with people, though. I make an exception when I'm out with people, but generally, if you pay attention, you may notice (at shoots, for example) that I will eat my lunch before everyone else, and then wander off to do something while everyone else is laying into their food.

In my head at the time, starving was the only way I could be punished for being the awful person that I felt I was. If I made someone feel bad, I would make myself feel ten times worse to, as I saw it, even things out.

Passing out in my back yard was the last straw, or the second to last, as you'll understand in a moment. I gave my mother the fright of her life, after I skipped two days worth of meals, on the third I got up to make something, because I felt ill and that was a warning sign, only to feel dizzy and go out for air. I don't remember anything after that until I was being rushed to the GP for an emergency appointment. It was brushed off as a drop in blood sugars. I had to have my blood pressure monitored every day for a week but nothing more. I went home and had a salad.

The next time I passed out, I did it in the kitchen, after another "punishment" session. I remember eating soup, sitting on my kitchen floor, when I came around. I think my mother was less fazed by the second collapse than the first because I wasn't hauled off to the GP, this time around. But two faints were enough to tell me to get my shit together. Mam was scared the first time. I was scared the second time.

Its only been in the past few months I've been eating properly again. It's been oddly tough, and I do slip into old ways on occasion, but mostly its been a conscious effort on my part. I still eat irregularly, but the irregularity is usually based off genuinely not feeling hungry at that moment. As someone who lied about food, day in, day out, I can admit right here that I was good at looking like I was eating, but when I was alone, I was doing everything possible to avoid food. These days, I make a mission of having food. If I do skip breakfast, I will pointedly eat a big lunch, and I love a good dinner now. Chris and I talk about this from time to time and he will usually be the voice of reason, my conscience on the outside.

To this day, I don't believe I have, or have had an eating disorder, though, I'm sure there are plenty who would disagree because I always try to eat alone. People may not even believe me when they read this as they may have seen me hoovering down a bowl of pasta, or chomping down a wrap.

I still eat alone.

Let me know if you have had any similar experiences, and if you have, have you overcome them? If you are struggling, I am here to talk to you.

All my love,
Amy
xo

MHM Week 1: Coping (Amy's POV)

Hi Guys, Amy here! What follows below is a personal account of how I cope with bad days. I would just like to thank the lovely Siobhan for choosing this topic for myself and Kayliegh before she went on holidays! I really enjoyed writing about t his topic.

Without further ado...

Coping with Bad Days/Down Days

To me, bad days are generally categorized into two different types. There’s the generic day where I just feel bad and there’s no reason for feeling down. There is also the day’s where I’m upset by something, or trying to pick back up in the aftermath of a Panic Attack. I am going to focus on the more serious days.

On the days after a panic attack, I admit I don't really deal with life very well. I had to deal with the aftermath of a panic on Thursday just gone, as a matter of fact. It was the first one in a year. On Thursday, admittedly I was a shambles, but I dragged myself out of bed and just tried to carry on. I did the things I felt like doing, rather than the things I should have been doing. I ate crap food, including lactose heavy foods, and I drank more tea that day that I would drink in a week under normal circumstances. I coped with my feelings pretty badly, but my defence is that they were kind of new to me, in a way. I haven't felt them in 12 months. Somewhere during my day of just trying to get by, it stopped being such an effort and normality returned. On these days, you just have to just will yourself to keep going on. Yes, I hear you saying “It’s so hard though” but you can do it. I know that you are able to.

Things That Help(ed) Me:

1: Archery

Let’s just take it back a bit. It’s 2011, and I’m suffering from frequent, often un-provoked panic attacks. To cope, I threw myself into my sport, Archery. I shot a lot. 3 or 4 days a week and I competed at every opportunity. I shot in National level events, and throwing myself into Archery helped me not only find a way to cope, but I steadily made more and more new friends, performed better and better, and placed. I was able to say for a while that I was the 2nd Junior Irish Female shooting Outdoors in the country. That was Cork. Dundalk saw me as 3^rd Indoor in the same category. Archery was a primary method of coping during that time. 

I will always tell people that sports help.

2: Music

During that time period, I was also REALLY into my music. I listened to what I can now admit was dark, heavy and often depressing music. I thought it helped at the time, but now I know it was glorifying depressive states, suicide, self-harm, and self-hate. It was what I needed to get through in that time, but nowadays I lean towards music that is more inclined to reduce the time I spend wallowing, as well as reducing the depth of the funk. 

Lately, I am favouring the soundtrack from The Great Gatsby and bands like Dropkick Murphys, over the bands I once never strayed from like HIM and Cradle Of Filth. Punk-Rock covers of Irish ballads win over Cradle of Filths “Cruelty Brought Thee Orchids”, though, I cannot state categorically that I am not still really partial to a bit of Dani Filth, and my favourite band are indeed still HIM, I have learned that they don’t help an already sad Amy.

3: Talking

When I can’t get out of a slump by myself, I will text/call someone for a chat. It doesn’t always have to be about how I’m feeling, because I love the chats with people, and a lot of times all I need is company. When my friend Anna is home, I go over to hers for tea and I have never left her house without having a hilarious, random time.

If you can’t talk about things with someone you know, there are plenty of peer-to-peer services like O La Go La, where you can anonymously talk about what you are feeling and find help to get through it.

4: Distraction

Music probably falls under this bracket, but for all intents and purposes, I mean doing things. You might be feeling wretched, but does the thought of cake make you go, “Ooh yeah I wouldn’t mind a slice of cake…”? Then you should set about making a cake. The process is extrememly comforting, the mixing, the pouring, measuring etc. Methodical tasks calm me down majorly. Maybe it would work for you too. And hey, who doesn’t love a few hours distraction that is going to end in cake?!

My Advice To You

If I could give anyone advice on how to get through a day where you feel really down, I would tell you definitely to do the following:

·        Get up, get out of bed. Yes, I know it's warm, and it's comfy, but you will feel the better of it because you will get your blood flowing.

·        Have a shower, even if you are just doing so as an excuse to get into fresh pyjamas afterwards! Showers are a place to think, I find, and a place to just let go of bad feelings. Imagine the water washing your bad day down the drain!

·        Eat something. I cannot stress this enough. I don't care what you eat, if could be a pack of celery, it could be a box of doughnuts, but just have food. Starving yourself doesn’t help anything.

·        Open some windows. Fresh air always helps me, so maybe it might be beneficial for you. Better still, try to go outside, bring a cup of tea or coffee with you into the garden and enjoy it outside.

As for the rest of it, here are some suggestions for things to fill up your day, and occupy you so you don't dwell on your bad feelings and risk spiralling.

·        Clean your room or your house

·        Read a book

·        Talk to a friend. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved.

·        Talk to your pets. I do this, and I promise, it's not a crazy-cat-lady thing; it really does help, especially when they look at you and you know they know what you’re talking about.

·        Go for a walk (If the Irish weather permits, of course!)

·        Bake a cake (occupies you, AND you get cake!! One of my favourite ways to kill a few sad hours)

·        Catch up on your blog reading if that's your thing

·        Watch a movie. (Stay away from movies that might make you cry, instead, go for animations)

·        Browse online for random things! thisiswhyimbroke.com is a fantastic website for this kind of thing!!

·        Organize something (eg: I'm waiting for a down day to alphabetise my DVD collection, and another to reorganize my chest of drawers)

·        Learn a new skill. I got good at building Airfix models and Warhammer figurines during the time when my life was a series of down days! By the time I got to learn Crochet, I was doing a lot better because I was occupying myself and getting woolly goodies out of my bad feelings.

·        Clear out your wardrobe, and give some things to charity. Often, we feel better from the knowledge that we are helping people, as well as making space in our wardrobes. Then you can treat yourself to something in the future!

No matter what, I want you to please try to remember that if your day is going badly, if you’re feeling down, the only person who can pick you up and keep you up, is you. I would urge you, if life seems to be really awful, to go to your GP and explain how you feel. They can help, and they will have the means to get you back to top form!

The things I’ve listed above have been a means of keeping myself going when I was really down at one point or another. I would love so much to hear your Coping Techniques, as well as what you think of the ones I use. Do you see yourself trying out anything from the list?

Please feel free to post your coping strategies to your own blog, and tweet us the link @MentalHealthMon with the hashtag #MHM. Similarly, you can email us your stories if you would like us to share them. You can choose to be named, or be made anonymous. Remember, our little team will respect whatever you wish to do! All the contact info is in the "Contact Us" tab on the homepage.

All My Love,

Amy

xx