Week 2: Depression

       If you look in the dictionary, Depression is defined as:

de·pres·sion

  [dih-presh-uhn]
noun

1.  the act of depressing.
2. the state of being depressed.
3. a depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface.
4. sadness; gloom; dejection.
5. Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal;sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Compare clinical depression.

But, though the definition may be technically correct, it doesn't explain the feelings associated with it, or the various types of depression there are. So I decided to look it up in a Medical Dictionary. Again, I don't really think it does it the justice it deserves... 

1. "The act of depressing or the state of being depressed.
2.  A reduction in physiological vigor or activity.
3.  A lowering in amount, degree, or position.
4.  An inward displacement of a body part.
5.  A hollow or sunken area.
6.  The condition of feeling sad or despondent.

 A psychotic or neurotic condition characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, and feelings of extreme sadness, dejection, and hopelessness."

This definition isn't much cop either if you ask me! I firmly believe Depression to be unique to each sufferer. 

During my struggle with GAD which often can be connected with depression, there were days where I refused to get out of bed, not even to eat. I just wasn't bothered, it seemed like too much effort and I wanted to do nothing but sleep, which is characteristic of depression. I also lost all interest in going out, being with people, and I just holed myself up in my house refusing to see my friends or shoot. 

I coped with my depressive state in both seriously negative ways (being withdrawn from people, deliberately not eating etc) to pretty good, constructive ways (distraction techniques, reaching out to friends etc) and pushing myself to do the things I didn't want to (getting help, getting back into sport). Though it was hard at first it got easier, and though sometimes I still revert to the bad ways of coping, like not eating or hiding out from people, I can identify them as negative and I make a conscious effort to change my ways. 

Depression cannot magically be cured, and that, at least for me, is the worst bit. There are days I just cant find a reason to get up, there are days when I just want to sleep. But every day, I try to get up and when I have some kind of work to do I know I have to make the effort. This week I've been so unbelievably busy, and its been a fantastic distraction. 

I know that to many people, it seems like their whole lives are ruled by their depression, be it Manic, Atypical, Psychotic or Dysthymia, and it may seem like life is just too hard to cope with, but I would ask everyone who reads this, to find a reason tomorrow to get up, have something to eat, if you're on them, take your meds, and do something you've stopped doing, like going out with friends, or walking the dog. 

As my doctors told me "You have to work to get better, medication won't get you all the way..."

All my love, 

Amy

xx