Mental Health and Tattoos Vol.1

Tattoo's are probably not something you would associate in any way with Mental Health. Most people can be forgiven for not seeing the link, because in all honesty, the link is only there for the people in the intersection of the Venn diagram representing both MH and Tattoos. I know that for a lot of people out there this is a strange topic but bear with me. I am going to talk you through the struggles I have faced with reference to my Mental Health and how my tattoos fit in among them. 

With regard to the different areas of my life, I have struggled with intense crowd-phobia, panic attacks which were both trigger-driven and un-triggered, depression, anxiety (both general and social) and self-loathing... I wont lie and say that I used tattoos as a way to close off chapters in my life, because I didn't. What are tattoos for me? They serve as a permanent reminder of where I've come from, where I'm headed and represent intense gratitude in two instances.

Now I know I'm not the only one who has a tattoo or two that represents some part of their past (or even current). Kayliegh, the co-creator of this blog has a beautiful script tattoo, which says "lose your clothes and show your scars", a pretty simple but powerful motto to remember. Perhaps she might touch on this topic another time from her own perspective, but for now, I'm going to discuss mine and what they have come to mean in my life.

Looking at my tattoos objectively allows me to talk about their meanings more succinctly.

My first tattoo represented a part of myself that I recognized in a man I hold in high regard, and respect dearly: Ville Valo. Anyone who knows me personally knows how much I think of him. He has a small heart on his right wrist, and I have one similar, though not the same! The meaning has grown since I've had it, though the original meaning has never been lost; "When I love, I love..". It's always been a part of who I am to love intensely, not just partners, but friends, family etc. I find myself physically upset when someone I care about is down or unwell. No matter what has happened in the last six years, I have always and will always love those around me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, as it were. I would also like to think that it represents myself in that it's a bit warped, but still alright, just like me!

My ambigram, atop my left shoulder which reads the same when you stand either in front of me, or behind me has a pretty simple meaning: Whatever way you look at me, however you perceive me, I am still Amy, and I am still beautiful. There's really nothing I can say for this one except that it took me a while to live by this. Public opinion meant a lot to me and there was nothing worse to me than people not liking me (social anxiety creeping in). I spent a long time learning that people will either love you or hate you, but you need to focus on those who love you and treat you right, rather than wasting your time trying to make the haters change their minds. I'll always be me, and that's the important thing.

The first big piece I ever got was a LOTR quote, in Elvish, mind you! The quote translates in English as "Few can foresee wither the road will lead them til they come to its end". Having exacerbated my anxiety for at least a year worrying over where I was going in life, feeling awful for being unemployed, generally wondering why I was bothering, this quote has helped me though many bad patches. I worry a lot about my future but this reminds me to be a bit less of a worry-wart. Life is going to lead me where it leads me and while I may have all these ideas and plans, it's not a big deal if they don't come true or they go pear-shaped because I'll find my way to where I'm supposed to be, no matter what. 

It had been 3 years since I had any work done but then last August I took the plunge and got a really important piece. The album that was the catalyst for everything I have since become, the person I have grown into was Venus Doom, by the Finnish metal band HIM. The limited edition album had these glyph-type symbols and I swore to myself that one day I would have them tattooed on me. That band pretty much kept me from the knife edge and I knew having a reminder of them on my body would never come close to the gratitude Ville Valo and his band-mates deserve. I think I identified with it more strongly from knowing that Ville was going through his own personal hell, and that reminded me how I was not alone. I've never been alone since then. 16 year old me had enough sense at the time though to know that tattooing a band on you is a risky business. Five years later it was still as good an idea as it was when I first thought of it, so I went for it! I love it so so much and you can actually find a full review of the whole process on my personal blog HERE. 

Most recently, I decided that it was high time to commemorate something that brought me out of myself... Archery. If it wasn't for archery being offered as an extra curricular activity in school, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to keep it on, and during the darkest days, I may never have left the house. I used to perform quite well in my bracket. I've made the most amazing friends and had the best weekends of my life because of archery. Though right now I cannot shoot due to a long standing injury, coupled with collegiate commitments, there is always the future. Nothing could tear me from a sport that kept me smiling even when my dad was in hospital, when I wanted to drop off the face of the planet, when I was miserable... Even the fear I'm currently experiencing wont keep me from getting back to it. 

Gone are the days when I would weep from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. My tattoos are a reminder of my trials and my strength in the face of great hardships. I am proud not only of my ink, but of the person I have become. Life used to be a miserable sequence of crap days and negative thoughts, but I've come through the worst of it, and I find comfort and solace in the significance of my tattooed story. 

Hopefully we will have more posts on this topic in the next couple of weeks so we can see all the different perspectives... 

Drop a comment below if you have any input, and if you would like to get in contact with us here at Mental Health Monday, be it feedback or sending us a guest post you would like published, you can drop us a mail - our email is in the Contact Us tab. 

As always, if you need any assistance with any struggles, you can find a list of useful organizations in the tabs above. 

Amy
xx

Distraction is The Name of The Game

Hey there lovely people.

When you feel the urge to do something destructive, what do you do to fight it? Do you read a book? Knit something or crochet? Do you message someone on Facebook and have a good ol' catch up? Maybe you bake! I personally try to take a nap or watch something on my computer. 

All these things have one thing in common: They are distraction techniques. And I know that when I'm going the right way for a slip, that distraction can help to ease the urge until it passes. 

Here are some ways to distract yourself:

1. Read a book
2. Draw something
3. Play solitaire 
4. Text a friend 
5. Walk the dog
6. Play with your cats 
7. Clean your room
8. Do the ironing (your mum or dad will be delighted)
9. Start a vegetable patch
10. Bake a cake, 
11. Learn a new language, 
12. Take a hot bath with candles and bath salts
13. Cook a nice dinner
14. Look up funny pictures on Pinterest
15. Download a movie and watch it
16. Go shopping with a friend
17. Spend time with your family. 
18. Dance
19. Sing as loud as you can. 

If you want to write a piece for us, please feel free to mail us (all details are on our contact page) or if you have a Reader Story dont hesitate to submit it! 

Fight the Fear, 

Amy 

xox

Saturday Slogans: Definition, Destruction, Strengthen...

Hey guys, it's been a while. 


Firstly let me apologize for mine and Kaylieghs absences, life has been hectic lately. 

Since its 2014, and a brand new year means a brand new chance to make things better than ever, it means that we have a brand new chance to diminish Mental Health stigma. 

I was inspired by the picture on the right to start a piece called Saturday Slogans.

To me, everything that happens to us does so for a reason and though sometimes is may be hard, we all need to fight to get through. After you have come out the other side, when you look back you'll be surprised and delighted with how you did it. 

Keep fighting, guys. 

I love you all, 
Fight the Fear, 

Amy 

xxx

Do What Works: Campaign for Mental Health Reform

Hi All!

Today I was contacted by Rebecca Gate on behalf of Do What Works, the petition for the campaign for Mental Health Reform. Last year the campaign collected of 10,000 signatures on their petition, and this year they hope to beat that. But they need our help to do it.

What They Say:
 "This autumn, Mental Health Reform is asking you to help them protect the mental health budget. Their Do What Works petition (http://www.mentalhealthreform.ie/petition2013) is calling on the Government to Do What Works for mental health by investing in community mental health services and other measures to support mental health. Mental Health Reform is a national coalition of organisations working to promote improved mental health services. Please sign the petition and help keep mental health on the agenda ahead of Budget Day on 15^th October. If you’d like to help out at any of Mental Health Reform’s petition days around the country, you’ll find the list of dates and venues here: http://www.mentalhealthreform.ie/petition-days-2013/."

If you would like to sign the petition, please click the top link, and if you want extra info on the dates and venues of dedicated petition days, all around Ireland, click the second link! 

Thanks for reading this guys!

Amy

Sometimes, We Find Inspiration In The Oddest Of Moments...

When I was feeling down one day last week, it occurred to me that I hadn't eaten for a few hours. This got me thinking. To have a healthy body you have to eat well, so what about a healthy mind? How much does food matter there?? How do the three interlink?

Everyone knows we as people need to eat well. To me, eating well can be as basic as eating in general, but the general consensus is to take in portions according to the food pyramid. But, did you know that there are some foods clinically proven to reduce the effects of certain mental health issues, such as depression and ADHD, as well as schizophrenia among others.

These foods are:
Fish, like salmon and sardines, which are high in Omega-3 fatty acids which are necessary for not only a healthy body (by lowering the risk of strokes, cardiovascular disease and also by aiding dry skin) but also a healthy mind, since Omega 3 Fatty Acids aid the neurotransmitters in the brain releasing dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine affects attention, thought processes, and pleasure, among other things; Serotonin is involved in memory, mood and appetite.

Whole grain foods are also helpful for a healthy body and mind, because of the complex carbohydrates (sugars) in them, which are released slowly over time. Constant, steady streams of nutrients are capable of sustaining you for longer than simple carbohydrates which spike your blood sugar and then cause you to crash quickly. Scientists have compared simple carbohydrates to drug abuse when it comes to mental health as they exacerbate low moods. Complex carbohydrates also help us feel fuller for longer.

Lean meats is protein for the body, and also amino-acids for the brain, helping produce Serotonin, which as we learned above, is a neurotransmitter involved in mood, appetite and memory. Protein is the second most abundant substance in our bodies so it is imperative to take in enough lean meat, so we can function at optimum levels.

Leafy Greens are my personal favorite. Broccoli, spinach, romaine lettuce and other veg like beetroots, are high in B-Vitamins and studies have shown that deficiencies in B-Vitamins can exacerbate depression, insomnia and cause fatigue.

Herbs can also play a part in the alleviation of symptoms related to minor depression, such as parsley, which can also help keep your hormonal balance in check. Chamomile (which you can take as a tea, as its not the best idea to eat chamomile flowers) has been known to alleviate minor depression symptoms, as well as anxiety and insomnia... If you find yourself particularly tense, garlic, mint and basil will aid in the relaxation of muscles. They may be stinky herbs, but if they help, don't worry about it. They're also very tasty, which is another plus.

The Bottom Line:
Basically, by skipping meals or the like, you are denying your body the chance of essential nutrients that will aid a healthy mind, as well as keep your body looking and feeling well!! Double the trouble, eh?

Eat well, Feel better!
Amy
xox

P.S: thank you to whoever nominated us for the Blog Awards 2013!! Kayliegh and I cannot figure out who did it, but we are SO grateful and humbled to be in such a wonderful position. I personally love this blog to bits, and am thrilled to see people enjoying our content. Not bad for what started out life as a silly little idea, eh? I'm crying tears of joy, thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart!!

Reader Submission: Lee

The following reader submission has been altered ever-so slightly to retain the privacy of the person, to whom this story belongs. Names have been changed. 

Please leave any comments/feedback for Lee, as it would mean a lot to him. 

Amy xx

Hi Guys.

I’m sitting here with my trusted pal, my dog, Bob, who is very old but loyal to me.

Having read your stories, I say to myself, “What the hell have I to moan about?”, but bear with me. I’m 46 and feel a total failure. I’ve always put myself out to help others… I don't even know were to start (so if I jump back and forth I’m sorry).

I had a very sad childhood; I never felt loved as a child from my mother and my dad just went along with whatever my mother said. I was abused by a neighbour, and I suppose that's where it started. I tried to tell my parents but they didn't believe me, instead, choosing to believe that the neighbour was an upstanding pillar of the community. So, I just kept it to myself saying I was wrong it was my fault and I was dirty.

I never really mixed as a kid after that, and I kept myself to myself. I was bullied in school so this affected my schooling and my grades. I left school at 15 after my group cert and got an apprenticeship as a Mechanic.

I met a girl and got engaged, and then married at 21 much to the disgust of my parents who believed she was from the wrong side of town. On the eve of my wedding I confided in my sister that I didn’t want to get married. She then said this to my mother and her reply was he has made his bed he may lie in it. Within a year the marriage was over (I couldn't take the beatings or abuse any longer) and I left the house and everything to her just to get out.

After several years thinking I’d never meet anyone again, I met this wonderful girl, we fell in love and after many hurdles we got married. Money was tight but we scrimped and saved. She pushed me (in a good way) to try and better myself and I did. I got a better job and worked my way up to a senior position (something I never believed I could do) and for 16 years and 3 wonderful kids later it was OK. During those 16 years I did notice the control issue by her but brushed it off.

After being the main provider for so many years, my father became ill with cancer he passed away after a very long battle on my birthday, my job became an issue (in the start of recession) I was approached by a major company and I jumped at this but after 6 months I couldn't take the pressure any longer and I broke down I had contemplated finishing it all (but I didn't because of my wife and kids) I walked out of my job and thought I'd get something else.

I went to my doctor and he gave me anti-depressants, after a while he upped dose and then again, and then he put me in touch with health care and the first thing they did was double his dosage, which had me like a zombie. I was introduced to a different doctor (by a friend!!!) who told me that the tablets I was on would kill me and so he set about getting me off them (this took about a year).

During this time he advised me to go and have some counselling which I did ( I found it very hard to open up, due to trust issues. After so many years of holding everything back from everyone, this time I was slowly getting better. My wife went off with the friend who had introduced me to the doctor. We went to marriage counselling and worked through this (as I thought) but after 18 months she told me she wanted a separation. Believe it or not this hit me out of the blue…even the counsellor was shocked. I continued with my counsellor but then out of the blue she said there was nothing more she could do for me.

Since then (2 years) I’ve been in limbo, I’m constantly told by my ex-wife that it was all my fault and this is wearing me down, I look at my kids and blame myself for everything (which is wrong but I still do). I've no idea what to do and don’t know where to turn to for help.

I’m sure I’ve missed some bits and I’m sorry, Thanks for taking the time to read this may be you can help maybe you can't but thanks anyway. I've no confidence in myself and don’t believe in myself and feel I'm letting my kids down so any advice would help.

This is for my kids.

Very let down with life

-Lee x

Do You Really Know Me, Really?

Hey guys,

First just let me quickly apologize for my absence last week, I was snowed under all weekend. I'm back now though, and hopefully you can forgive the gap I left in our posting two by two! Secondly, this following post is going to be a bit of a personal one, so as to balance out the POV's we have on here. Kayliegh has posted two absolutely brilliant blogs on here about eating disorders, today, and last Monday! Here is my personal ramblings on the topic...

Now.

Do you really know me? If you saw me on the street would you know that I used to starve myself on purpose? Would you be able to tell? I bet you wouldn't. I wouldn't be on for advertising the fact. But its the truth.

People in my life, all of whom know me pretty well, will know that I am a big fan of my food. As a kid, I was the only person I knew, of my age, who would willingly eat a salad. My mother has even told me the stories of when I was maybe four, sitting on her knee in a cafe with her friend, helping her eat a giant plate of salad. We used to share salads when we went shopping, I remember them vividly. One plate, two sets of forks.

I don't know how or when I started skipping meals, but it certainly wasn't to be thin. I only say this because it will aid me getting my point across: I have been stick-thin since my puppy fat dropped off, around the age of 3 or 4. My family found it an unmitigated nightmare to get me clothes that fit. Being tall and thin as a child helps nobody, especially when the clothes are sold by age, rather than size!

I have never skipped a meal to aid in weight-loss, that much is true. I did so because I thought I deserved to be punished for the bad things I did, the bad person I was. If I had a fight with my boyfriend, I wouldn't eat til maybe, dinner the next day to punish myself for "being a shit person", as I rationalized it.

I hated myself for being weak (and to me being weak was my anxiety, my panic attacks, my constant battles with depression), for making people miserable, and so, I would deliberately skip meals to atone. I have lied to everyone at some point, maybe even you, the person reading this. "Yes, I had breakfast!" was the most common lie. Breakfast is the most important meal, so the old adage goes, but to me, it was the meal that I would deliberately skip, because it was easy to. When lunch came around, it was again, very easy to be really busy until the hunger went away.

At the worst of my self-inflicted punishment, I was working off maybe one slice of toast for a whole day, plus coffee or tea and my anti-depressant medication.

I ate alone, or I didn't eat at all. There was no middle ground. My family are well used to me disappearing with a plate of something to my room. It's never questioned. I can't abide eating with people, though. I make an exception when I'm out with people, but generally, if you pay attention, you may notice (at shoots, for example) that I will eat my lunch before everyone else, and then wander off to do something while everyone else is laying into their food.

In my head at the time, starving was the only way I could be punished for being the awful person that I felt I was. If I made someone feel bad, I would make myself feel ten times worse to, as I saw it, even things out.

Passing out in my back yard was the last straw, or the second to last, as you'll understand in a moment. I gave my mother the fright of her life, after I skipped two days worth of meals, on the third I got up to make something, because I felt ill and that was a warning sign, only to feel dizzy and go out for air. I don't remember anything after that until I was being rushed to the GP for an emergency appointment. It was brushed off as a drop in blood sugars. I had to have my blood pressure monitored every day for a week but nothing more. I went home and had a salad.

The next time I passed out, I did it in the kitchen, after another "punishment" session. I remember eating soup, sitting on my kitchen floor, when I came around. I think my mother was less fazed by the second collapse than the first because I wasn't hauled off to the GP, this time around. But two faints were enough to tell me to get my shit together. Mam was scared the first time. I was scared the second time.

Its only been in the past few months I've been eating properly again. It's been oddly tough, and I do slip into old ways on occasion, but mostly its been a conscious effort on my part. I still eat irregularly, but the irregularity is usually based off genuinely not feeling hungry at that moment. As someone who lied about food, day in, day out, I can admit right here that I was good at looking like I was eating, but when I was alone, I was doing everything possible to avoid food. These days, I make a mission of having food. If I do skip breakfast, I will pointedly eat a big lunch, and I love a good dinner now. Chris and I talk about this from time to time and he will usually be the voice of reason, my conscience on the outside.

To this day, I don't believe I have, or have had an eating disorder, though, I'm sure there are plenty who would disagree because I always try to eat alone. People may not even believe me when they read this as they may have seen me hoovering down a bowl of pasta, or chomping down a wrap.

I still eat alone.

Let me know if you have had any similar experiences, and if you have, have you overcome them? If you are struggling, I am here to talk to you.

All my love,
Amy
xo